Well I got to hand it to my couples counselor she got my wif

John99's picture
(5635)

Well I got to hand it to my couples counselor she got my wife and I to agree on something. We are both fed up with her and we have decided to fire her. I spent most of the session trying to get the counselor to help us address the hurt and anger we both have. The counselor kept saying it would not do any good. That made no sense to me and finally my wife stepped in and told her if it is this important to me why can't we do it. That was when the counselor finally caved and said we could start next session because our time was up. My wife and I talked after and I told her I was done with the counselor and I really didn't want another session. My wife told me she was also done and she felt the counselor has there own agenda and she is more interested in that then helping us. Now we start looking for a new couples counselor hopefully we have better luck with the next one.

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John99's picture
(5635)
Oct 12

@Inmylittleroom
I have my own therapist. He specializes in trauma therapy and after the year I have had I need him.

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sunfloweraf's picture
(1115)
Oct 13

I’m glad you both agreed about firing her, and it’s such a letdown that she wasn’t providing what you needed. I think you’ve said she is an EFT therapist, but I don’t know how much she really talked with you and your wife about attachment styles? Therapy finally clicked for my husband and me when we started learning about attachment styles - it helped both of us begin to truly understand what has been driving each of us in our marriage, and why both of us felt so much hurt and rejection, which was a HUGE life-changing eye-opener. I am in no way saying I know what is going on for you and your wife, but I read an article that made me wonder if any of this paragraph might seem true for her? I added the source below, if the article could be of interest to you.

“The partner with a fearful style of attachment expresses an intense desire to be close, but if his or her experience in the current relationship (and possibly in past relationships or family of origin) is fraught with abandonment, this person may be trying to convey, “I want for you to be close to me, but you (and/or everyone else important to me) have gone away so many times, and I have been in so much pain because of that. And now, even when you come close, I cannot tolerate the fear and mistrust that you will go away, withhold your love, or reject me. So I end up doing things to push you away.”

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/journey-of-emotionally-focused-therapy-all-you-need-0723136

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John99's picture
(5635)
Oct 13

@sunfloweraf
She very briefly talked about it once a few weeks ago. It was focused at my wife not me. It was something about preventing true intimacy. I can't remember what all was said. She seemed the last couple of months to be more interested in establishing the day to day operation of our house. That was never what my wife and I were looking for help with. Our number 1 goal was fixing our communication issues. At first that was what we were doing and counselling was going well and we were making real progress. Then the counselor change the focus of things that was never an issue. I am frustrated by all the wasted time and money.

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