Tomorrow will be 12 months since d.day and i am getting upse

Tomorrow will be 12 months since d.day and i am getting upset and frustrated with everything.
Our couples counseling seems to be focused on our other relationship issues and cheating only seems to be part of it, i dont know if thats normal. I was drinking heavily to surpress thoughts and now i am one month sober and am thinking clearer and things are still as bad. Im sat alone crying over everything while my wifes angry over a fight we had and sat on her own. I really am at a loss and feel like i am losing my loved ones over fixing this marriage that is causing me so much pain. I am worried ill go back into a downward spiral of these negative thoughts for another year

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Kas1966's picture
(174180)
Jan 26

@StillHurt901what you describe is normal I went through all that. She says she is lonely well if my husband said that I would have said I was lonely when you were cheating but I got different hobbies not someone else.

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devastatedinptbo's picture
(91140)
Jan 26

It does sound like your wife is not really considering the situation from your perspective. Maybe her expectations for recovery are unrealistic. It’s a process of give and take for both spouses. You will feel more relaxed and receptive to her if you feel emotionally safe in the relationship. Feeling emotionally safe is usually directly related to what she is doing to address the issues that led her to be unfaithful in the first place. Maybe she needs to stop expecting others to fill all her voids and needs to look within herself for more fulfillment. That said, I also dealt with depression during the first couple of years following d-day. Depression can make it difficult to feel anything. Maybe you should look into some help for yourself also if you haven’t already. You are dealing with a lot and added pressure to feel things that you are not ready to feel may only make the situation worse. Perhaps you and your wife can come up with a plan together to baby step your way towards intimacy. Real intimacy involves so much more than just sex. A date night? Small gestures of affection such as loving notes or texts throughout the day? setting time aside to share your feelings without fearing judgement from the othe? give each other a massage with no expectation of other physical intimacy ….

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I have found that prayer works wonders in a marriage. See if you can find a Pastor who can pray over your marriage - then give you some good prayers for you and your wife to pray together. Work on things in your marriage as a team - so much better than working on things by yourselves. There are marriage retreats where you can recommit to each other and discover ways to reconcile your marriage. Look for family ministry programs on the radio - they are a great help for marriages too! God Bless! Prayers!

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