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So lost. So broken. 5 months of rebuilding our marriage dow

So lost. So broken. 5 months of rebuilding our marriage down the drain. I had the thought this evening to ask for the log in for the cell phone website . I had asked him for this months ago and only just thought about the fact that he didn't give it to me yet.
So he instantly got his back up and put his lying face on. After pressuring him for a half hour he hands me his cell phone and says here, look though my call log, its all the same stuff. So I did. Scrolled through almost two months of calling history, not much of interest, except. Two calls to an old female friend that we ran into at his father's funeral in September. While I dont think there was anything suspicious about it (he didn't try to hide or deny it) it was still in direct violation of our "no female friends " agreement. Extremely hurtful. So I pressed on to find out why he was keeping me from the cell phone website. I ask if I'm going to see calls to the AP on there. He said no. I ask him again. He says yes but all before DD. I burst into tears. All these months he has been lying to me saying their communication was strickly online. I asked numerous times if they talked on the phone. He denied it every single time. In the past he has slipped up and said if she "calls" I will let you know right away. I pointed out and he quickly changed it to "text." So now he admits there were phone conversations also. This just makes me feel sick inside. Finding this out after 5 months feels devastating. I feel like I just found out about a new affair. And the fact that he doesn't think it matters since she is long gone tells me he hasn't learned anything in 5 months. This, on top of the lies last week gives me pretty much zero hope we will make it. I'm so crushed...I can't stop crying. Lies lies, lies. We worked so hard and were in an amazing place 3 weeks ago. Now we are nothing again. I seriously feel like I cant go on. I'm so hurt....

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[106110]
Nov 11

@terry5150, that's something to consider, asking him what's missing. But what if you did that, like I did and he still pretends it's all good and there never were any problems although you knew there were? Then you know your partner is incapable of honesty with you.

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Scifx's picture
[70]
Nov 12

@Simplicity17 I just read this response and it resonated with me. I search for answers on what God's plan is for me. I pray and ask - not just for what my heart desires but if it's good for me and in line with his plan, take away from me relationships that are not in line with his plan. Being obedient and having faith there is a plan, and it's a good plan, is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. My spouse was unfaithful and in process of divorce. Was supposed to be finalized in fact last week, and now it's not, and I still have life on hold. Why? I think I'm of the realization that I'm in the process of being beaten and tested to be refined. Preparation for such goodness that I cannot imagine it, if I can hang on during this testing. Anyway, that seems like a lot of writing lol. Just trying to say I get your post.

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Notruth's picture
[4600]
Nov 12

@Scifx You said it perfectly

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