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So last night my h told me he thinks it's best to get separa

So last night my h told me he thinks it's best to get separated. Sell our house. I said a divorce. He said no, a separation. I don't want to play back and forth games. Today he's telling me he can't stop looking at my picture and giving me mixed signals. So I confront him. He said he wants to leave. What's the problem? He always answers I don't know. He said he has doubts and doesn't know. He doesn't want to hurt me. How? By cheating again? He says no. But I am always struggling to not look at women and have to always turn away. I don't want to make you sad. I said well are you going to go and sleep with them? No but I find myself always looking. So he's always turning away from me, to look at what's around when at work or out. I'm so hurt. Why can't he just love. I've never felt this low.

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Feb 16, 2017

Agree with Diamond. He is confused and STILL wants his cake and eat it too. Even if cheating is not in his game plan; he is not ready to let you go completly. He wants to see for himself if the 'grass is greener' on the other side while still keeping the life he's always had.

Feb 17, 2017

This is so scary. I don't want to find out he's done it again. And I already told him, I will find out. It's not if, it's when! I've learned too many things. And I know what I'm dealing with. I don't even trust him. Last night he's telling me he's so stupid for even wanting that and how he only says things because he thinks that's what I want to hear. I have been pushing the divorce and leaving. He doesn't act like he wants it. He always says something and looks to me and says "what do you think". I don't beg anymore. It's like he's crying for a reaction of some sort. I am confused. One way or another, I will have to come back home, my mother is moving to a one bedroom and don't want to lose my house, if he decides to sell it from underneath me. I've pushed him to understand that cheating is on him and he will be pushed to do it. But separation is not in my books. I said either work for what you want, or let me be. When you cheat, if you do, I will find out and you will go through this, times ten!! Second time around, I have a stronger army to fight you with. Already have a lawyer and know all the ups and downs. I will suck him for everything I have. And I know when he's getting a raise those year. So if that's what I have to wait for to get more, so be it. I will sleep with one eye open. Sadly. I appreciate everyone's support and it does help me in so many ways.

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darah's picture
Feb 17, 2017

I dont think a separation would help matters ,I think it would make things worse. If he wants to work on things ,then he needs to prove it. You shouldn't be his back up plan or be there waiting for him to do whatever and come back to you. You do not want to go through the feeling of betrayal again . You should ask him, of he wants out then give it to him or if he wants you. It's not fair to you to be walking on egg shells not knowing what your future holds.
Maybe try another counselor or a pastor. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm glad you also have support but don't let him take advantage of your feelings and vulnerability. hugs


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