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So I am 9 months post day, but only 4 months into our recove

So I am 9 months post day, but only 4 months into our recovery as I waited to confront my husband about his infidelity (due to the fact I was 7 months pregnant when he cheated and I found out). Looking back I wish we were further along, but I know had I confronted him right away it would have been a disaster. I'm a very emotional person and even more so being pregnant, I think I would have made some drastic decisions I would be regretting.
We had somewhat of a breakthrough 2 nights ago as we are starting to understand how we best communicate. We are not good at face to face...I cry, he gets angry, and we have a hard time putting things into words. It leads to misunderstanding what the other is trying to say and furthers the argument. We realized we actually communicate better through text messages. It allows us to actually think out what we are saying before we hit send and then reread what the other has said. This also helps me when I get a trigger...I can look back over the words he has said and i feel more at ease.
We sat in different rooms the other night and had a really good discussion through text...I know it seems wierd but it worked.
After we were able to have a calm face to face and came out of it feeling stronger and more connected.
I know we have a long way to go, but if anyone is stuck in a rut I really suggest finding what works for you and go with it.

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Kas1966's picture
Aug 14

@livefornow yeah I understand.

Aug 14

I think you should do whatever works for your healing. My husband and I have way better communication talking on the phone to each other or by texting or email. When we were living apart from each other we communicated that way. I like emails because I can hold him accountable for what he told me. Plus I can sit down and just let it all out. There were times I had a trigger and would stop what I was doing and go inside and write everything down. Those emails stung my husband told me but that was how I was feeling so, to bad so sad for him, it made me feel better.

devastatedinptbo's picture
Aug 14

I get it. During the first few months post d-day I would email all my questions to my husband. In person, he couldn’t think well ‘on the spot’ and I required more thoughtful answers, so this way, he could really spend time trying to get his thoughts together and words right before responding. After he moved back home we read the book Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson as recommended by our therapists. This helped us see some of the bad communication habits we had fallen into and learn how to change them so we can communicate better face to face. It took some practice, and sometimes we have to go back to the basics, but communication is so much better now. Congratulations on this success. I hope you both keep moving forward with improving communication skills.


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