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she brought the dog over yesterday. it was good to see my do

[1625]

she brought the dog over yesterday. it was good to see my dog. we started talking and she claims that 3 years ago she felt taken for granted, left out, and underappreciated. i pointed out how even at the end i was still there for her, caring, making her dinner when she was tired, sick, or when she was on her period putting my warm hands on her belly to soothe the ache. looking back, i noticed she wanted material things, trips, gifts, to make her happy. she claims she filled the "void" with grad school, dance classes, and other things that werent making her happy. to me that seems like someone who is co-dependent and when i was suffering through my dad's death i wasnt showering her with affection she craved.

she said "i tried to tell you i wasnt appreciated" and i called her out. "you never sat me down, looked me dead in the eye, and told me you were unhappy. i was blindsided by all of this. you kept it all in and said nothing" she replies with "well that makes me a coward then"

the entire conversation felt like her again, throwing shade my way and making me feel like it was my fault for driving her away. i call BS on all of it. i wasnt perfect, but i was a good man, i held her when she cried, i took care of her when she didnt feel good, i loved her when she didnt love herself.

what a terribly weak person. the moment the relationship got difficult she ran to the arms of a NARC who is love bombing her. taking her on all these trips and everything else. that will work for a while, but if me caring for her wasnt enough, this guy wont be for much longer.

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[106250]
Jun 14

@anteru The pattern of promiscuity is very often rooted in early sexual abuse. It is one of the most damaging forms of abuse, which is not to say that all forms of abuse are not damaging. But especially if she never got treatment; many victims of sexual abuse think they can ignore it and it will go away. Traumatic events do not go away by themselves. It will resurface and wreck havoc on the victim’s life if it is not treated. Different victims develop in different directions: some become promiscuous, some become obese as an insulating protector, some become narcissistic or codependent. There are combinations of the various issues and disorders. Promiscuity is also a common symptom of the manic phase in bipolar disorder. It doesn’t matter what the label is, the important thing is for her to be willing to seek the right treatment. Many misdiagnosis occur in that area, so finding the right treatment and therapist is not always so easy. But the main point is that she has to be willing; you cannot change what you don’t acknowledge. You need to realize that narcs are codependents too; they cannot survive without another person from whom to obtain supply. The best thing for you is to switch the focus from her to yourself, and move onto healing......

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[1625]
Jun 14

@pickone im getting there, its going to take time to shift gears from someone i talked to every day for 11 years to not speaking to her at all. i still love this woman and it sucks, cause its like watching someone you love go on a drug bender. you cant do anything, you are right, they need to help themselves. they have to want it.

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[106250]
Jun 14

@anteru I understand how heartbreaking it is to stand by, and feel helpless, when someone you care about is on a self-destructive path, and refuses to see it. It is one of the most difficult, painful, and frustrating things in life. But you absolutely cannot change, fix, or save someone from themself. They need to first acknowledge that they have a problem, and then be extremely motivated to change it themself; otherwise nothing will change for the better. Focus on yourself, as you deserve to have a happy life, and someone who is capable of returning your love......

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