Sad, hurt in a state of shock. My wife of 33 years was havin


Sad, hurt in a state of shock. My wife of 33 years was having and on and off affair for 29 years with a mutual family friend that she knew before we got married. The last time they got together was over 2 years ago. During the lockdown I became suspicious of her because of her phone use. She told me nothing was going on she just had friends she was texting. I was using an audio recorder from time to time to see if I could catch her in a conversation. I would use it at the house and in my car. Well one day I found out that something was going on with the recorder in my car. I confronter it to her and she confessed. This was almost a month ago I found out. She could not explain why it went on so long, kind of talked about how it happened, the AP felt guilty the first time but she said it over when I say it is. We have had a lot of great years and she was always very loving and passionate with me. We both each other dearly. Since then both have repented and swore it over and it will never happen again. She told me that what they don't know wont hurt them. The AP is also married for 30 years or so. Both my wife and I have cried together and been saying prayers multiple times since I found out. It is like she has an evil side to her from time to time. She has always been so good to me. We have only 2 children that are grown and married and have 4 grandkids. I help babysit a lot from time to time. I love her so much but I have a hard time to trust her. I have been suspicious of her from time to time over the years but really gave it much thought. The AP family does not know anything, I told him it better be over. I am not a vendictive person to seek revenge. I am just trying to decide if I should stay or go and maybe start over and just be her best friend. At times I get very depress and have a lot of anxiety thinking about it. I have told a few close friends and family members and a pastor about it for guidance. I just feel I have been made a fool and deceived all these years. I always keep my vow because of my religious beliefs. She did tell me it was up to me what I want to do. She still tells me she is sorry and loves me so much and that it hurts her that I am hurting and gets teary eyes if I bring something up. Just looking for some advice from the outside of my circle. Like I can say again she has always been good to me and very passionate at times.

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chas188's picture
Sep 22

@devastatedinptbo wish I did not back down from temp separation i requested very hard being same place trying to sort it out

Sep 22

@chas188 for sure. I told her I will be hurting for a long time. I go through these mood swings and reminds me of the song by The Clash "Should I stay or should I go." We communicate as we always did, eating together, watching tv, just bothers me about her dirty little secret.


Sorry for what happened in your marriage. It happens. Glad your faith is holding you to your vows. Vows are important! Have you thought about a marriage seminar? They really helped my wife and I. The seminars are taught by people who struggled in their own marriages - so easy to follow. They cover everything from 'why marriages drift/difficulties' to 'how to have a great/good marriage'. Family Life Today has a "Weekend to Remember" seminar in many states. Christian based - and very good at defining the importance of marriage and helping couples reconnect. The most important thing for your marriage is to pray for it daily. Then let God show you the best way to a stronger marriage. Prayers for your success! God Bless!

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