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Recently discovered my wife has been sexting with a guy thro

Recently discovered my wife has been sexting with a guy through the Whisper app. I found selfies, memes and screenshots they were sending to each other. I confronted her and demanded to see all their interactions but she says that they have been erased and can't be retrieved. Believe me I don't want to see more of that but I need to know how much of this went on. At this point I can not trust anything she says and I need to know for myself. Unlike most sexting relationships she showed her face in the pics and even went so far to tell the guy what town we live in. Actually I saw a screenshot from him with Google directions from his town to the town we live in. She says it never got physical but all the signs point to is was just a matter of time (if it didn't happen already). Does anyone know how to retrieve the interactions from the Whisper app? My head is spinning and I am in constant pain. I would have separated from her already but we have two kids that I don't want exposed to this mess. Any help or advice is greatly appreciated!

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Piwo33's picture
Feb 12, 2018

@Wayne72 It may be true that digging will lead to more pain. But for me, I had to know everything since I didn't believe my wife's explanation. I had to dig if only to show her that I was going to find out one way or another. She could choose to come clean and tell me everything or have me continue to dig and uncover the whole truth one painful text/sext message at a time. The day my wife completely crumbled and begged me for forgiveness and not to leave was the day I read her texts between her and her AP like I was reading a story to a group of school children. I asked her if she heard how fake they sounded. Out of context of the affair they sounded so absurd it made my wife realize all she was doing was living in an impossible fantasy. I don't know if that's the right thing for everybody to do but it sure did help my wife see that what she was doing was wrong.

What we are looking for is closure and that might mean digging deeper into the affair than you want to. You might not even know what you are looking for or why. For me, I just needed answer my wife wasn't giving me. Still working on closure but I at least know my wife has come clean, asked for forgiveness and she knows the damage she has done to our marriage and to me. She has also done a lot of damage to herself.

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ToughCookie99's picture
Feb 14, 2018

There is no way to retrieve the whisper chats, but you may find that it is not the only app she is using for betraying your marriage vows. If you have a gmail account, you can find (if turned on) every place she has been, every app she has used and sites she has been visiting. Its all in the google account. I respect a persons privacy, but all bets are off when they are living a life of secrecy. I am very sorry this is your new reality, best of luck finding peace. You can also go into the storage of a phone and it will also have info on the whisper chats, may not contain info but will show all that stuff stored in the phone....People can have burner phones, use chat apps to circumvent the phone bill etc....its so easy for people to have secret lives and be able to hide most of their deviant behavior. Don't beat yourself up, we ALL fail to keep it exciting and maintain that spark, we ALL are guilty of forgetting to remind our partners how lovely they are, we ALL are guilty of letting life stresses get in the way of intimacy...the bottom line is she did not come to you, she just went to another man. Thats not okay and there is nothing she can say to justify it, she will of course blame you for thats what they all do! Its the same logic as shaking the baby to death because it wouldn't shut up! She chose to lie, betray and humiliate you....that was her choice. How you handle this will be yours. If she isn't forthcoming and apologetic( without blaming) then that is a red flag.

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Feb 14, 2018

Well thankfully she hasn't yet made actual sexual contact? It's clear you guys should go to counseling? Do you give her enough attention in the bedroom. I know women love attention, especially sexual attention, because it's how we rate our sexual worth. Obviously you also need to set some boundaries and enforce consequences for the sexting thing.


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