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Need some input. Been married for 17 years. Two kids 17 & 13

Need some input. Been married for 17 years. Two kids 17 & 13. Will be completely honest. About 2 years into the marriage I found out he was cheating. Completely heartbroken, I had a one night stand. Of course he knows about but that's just the beginning. After this he continued the affair, eventually we separated and I found solace in a married co-worker (yes, I know. I went and did exactly what was done to me). Eventually my husband and I reconciled but I've caught him talking to "co-workers" and texting numerous times over the years. I chose to overlook it and let go since I myself I continued the affair with the married co-worker. I recently finally ended the affair, after finding concrete proof that my husband cheated with a coworker and still talks to her (although he says he ended it). We don't trust each other . I do love my husband and want to save my marriage but I know I've caused just as much damage as he has. I feel depressed and sad over his cheating although I have been cheating for years...I feel like running back to my affair but I know it's wrong and I want to save my marriage. My husband said he wants to be with me but I doubt he'll ever be faithful. Karma I guess.

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Nov 9

@GiaEve707 He's against counseling. I've gone to individual counseling but was too uncomfortable talking to someone about it. I think we both just have so much shame that we refuse to talk about it or face it but I know we have to in order to heal.

Nov 9

@broken_683 I wish you could feel the freedom, relief, and empowerment you get from forgiving yourself and releasing the heaviness and burden of shame. We are not meant to live in chaos, but to build peace and order. It can start with you. Even if your husband is not at that point yet, you can start with finding a counselor you trust and releasing it all.

brentleely's picture
Nov 9

@MrBrains I agree with MrBrains. The relationship doesn’t sound healthy at all nor does it sound like it is worth saving. I agree that you should start over and stay true.


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