My wife had an affair with someone half her age over an 18-m

My wife had an affair with someone half her age over an 18-month period. I found out about it and it ended. We had two years of counseling and were very involved in Life Recovery for three years. She was contrite and changed many of her bad behaviors, and our marriage actually was the best it's ever been or so I thought.

This was 5 years ago. Last night I picked up a to-go order and walked up to our car from behind on the passenger side and saw the heading Mr. Anonymous on her phone. I asked for the phone. She reluctantly handed it over and was shocked at the vulgar text conversation she was having with Mr. Anonymous. Reading through it I found pictures, plans for hookups, and afterglow love talk. I was devastated the first time this happened. This time I'm just numb and really don't care. I want her out of my life, can't deal with the 'crazy' anymore BUT after 40 years of marriage, children, and grandchildren life gets really complicated if I blow the marriage up.

I need perspective, I need advice on how to move forward.

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Nov 25

Thank you for the words of encouragement. Oddly, I still have no emotion and am going through my plan for the future like a business problem. Maybe after living with crazy for 40 years I don't know what normal behavior is. Our son who happened to be home when I found out about the affair had not forgiven his mother for the first affair and is extremely angry. And, he's frustrated with me since I have not kicked her out of the house. I didn't have the heart to let our daughter know since she and her family were celebrating Thanksgiving with her husband's family out of state.
I have learned more over the past 24 hours. Her recent interest in Porn raised a lot of curiosity and she joined a married looking to mingle chat site. She met two men. One was an older banker who just wanted rough sex for 10 minutes and this was a one-time encounter. The other was a younger family man. They developed a relationship meeting in the park, texts on Whatsapp, dirty talk, and ultimately a hotel rendezvous earlier this week. It's ironic, while she was having her hotel sex, she was having me run to the drug store to get her cold medicines - how detached/cold-hearted is that?
So much to figure out - the problem is, right now I just don't care - totally burned out.

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I think you are handling this as well as you possibly can, and in totally the right manner, for what that's worth.

She obviously never did the work to figure out her own issues and make the changes she needed. You deserve better. I know that on some level, you still love her. But that doesn't mean you should stick around for this kind of abuse.

I wish you the best. Message me if you need to chat. I've supported you.

Nov 25

I’m sorry you are going through this. It’s not your fault. It sounds like your wife has some real issues that she needs to figure out and get her act together. If she isn’t willing to do that; I don’t think you could ever trust her or have a healthy relationship with her. Sending you prayers and support. Take care


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