My beautiful sister (middle school bestie), called me today

My beautiful sister (middle school bestie), called me today in tears. She has fallen into the hole my husband did - a coworker at work and it's getting out of hand. She was really calling as a cry for help.

We spoke for 2.5 hours. Knew it all too well - the excuses, the denial, the fog.

She is starting therapy, and I am holding her accountable. I am teaching her in this fog, to hold herself accountable. I told her to say out loud what she was doing, and yes, shut the door, and have measures in place to avoid contact with her coworker. One day at a time.

Looking back now, it's been 2.5 years. I'm humbled by her vulnerability, shattered by how much this affects so many people, and completely in awe of how far I have come. I've healed. I wasn't triggered, I didn't cry, I just felt compassion. I love her so much, just as I do my husband.

To anyone out there angry, isolated, scared, confused, feeling empty and worn, feeling ugly, feeling helpless, not able to sleep because of the dang images, not able to breathe from the drip disclosures, not able to make sense of up and down, jaded, and just over it - it does get better, it WILL get better. Hang on.

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Leahzan's picture
Nov 23

Interestingly, I had a very similar conversation with my brother-in-law this last week. He opened up about how his infidelity 3+ years ago changed his role in his family and how his kids see him. It was the first time he'd ever addressed it with me. I could hear accountability in his voice and also a need to for help on how to change. I was surprised at how I could be compassionate about something that I know was so absolutely devastating for my sister-in-law. But, as with my own story, there are two sides, and more than anything I want those that betray that just sweeping it under the rug isn't the way to ensure people move on in a healthy way. I hope he took some of my advice to heart. It was hard to hear him suffering, but also gave me hope to hear him be accountable.

devastatedinptbo's picture
Nov 23

A few weeks ago Sunfloweraf shared some posts from the “surviving infidelity” forum. My husband joined it and has found some of the posts from other unfaithful spouses and their process of personal change and relationship rebuilding very insightful and helpful. Your friend might want to check it out.

sunfloweraf's picture
Nov 23

@devastatedinptbo wow, I’m so glad your husband joined! I hope it’s really helpful for him and for you too.


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