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Many years ago, I was unfaithful to my wife. When she found

Many years ago, I was unfaithful to my wife. When she found out about what I had done, I was sure that she would just instantly leave me and never let me see my son again. We are together still to this day, however I fear now that what I did to her is now coming back to haunt me.

She has recently made friends with a former coworker, who is of the opposite sex. I have never officially met or spoken to this man, however he and my wife chat daily on social media messenger, and also have met for dinner and also for a drink. My wife assures me that this is strictly platonic and that there are no feelings between either one of them, but I sense that there may be something that she is not telling me.

because of what I did in my past, I live with that pain daily, and would hate for her to have to experience the pain and humiliation that I went through. I also don't want to feel resentment towards her if she does, or already has cheated as well.

I am unsure what I should do. Every time I broach the subject with her about this man she gets very defensive and says that after all she forgave me for I have no right to question her loyalty. Yet at the same time I see her hiding messages and swiping away images/texts on her phone.

Any support would be appreciated.

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Nov 21

@Chrisconfused, I don't recommend meeting him face to face. I think it would turn bad quickly. : ( or he'll lie like the devil. Remember he's the one that didn't want you to come with them. So um, no. It harkens to a movie I saw where the OM ends up drugging the husband because he's scared and then the husband kills the OM.

FaithfulFather's picture
Nov 21

@Chrisconfused, I have read thousands of posts like yours over the years. I have never read one single story like this with all the red flags, where it turns out to be some innocent friendship. listen to your gut. I would stop trying to hang out with them, If they haven't invited you along already, it means they do not want you around. The secrecy of their relationship, swapping sad stories, and her using your past infidelity to justify it, does not look good brother. That's her way of telling you that you gave her a hall pass to have opposite sex friendships that do not include you. (I personally think that's extremely cruel on her part)

Do not confront him, that will only make it worse and your wife will resent you. He knows your wife is married and he still chooses to meet with her in private without you, he is no friend, he is gutter trash. Don't believe what she tells you, watch what she does. The guys who come out the best are the ones who saw the red flags, hoped for the best but prepared for the worst. The guys who end up badly are the ones who ignored what their gut told them because they thought their sitch was different. You have to lookout for yourself and your kids (trust me on this). You have to stay 5 steps ahead of all this brother! Good luck!

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beth65's picture
Nov 21

It always starts out as professional or as just friends, then it leads to feelings and closeness, etc. This is why you don't put yourself in that position in the first place. The fact she is hiding something is a huge red flag.


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