Lost...on one hand I want to murder him and on the other, I

Lost...on one hand I want to murder him and on the other, I still love him. He fell asleep early and I saw his phone light up and the caller id. Was NOT a good thing! She's telling ppl they're engaged and I've been with him for 14 years, it's not the first time, she's not special...and I'm an idiot for ever thinking the fidelity would continue. Our sex life is random, we do it when we want to and it's fabulous!! We both say we don't think it's normal to always have such amazing sex this far into a relationship, still even hump out and about at times. So in my brain I don't understand, I don't.
He told me to mind my own business, and keep my blinders on when it comes to our relationship. Are you kidding me? I'd never cheat, I don't want to or need to but my heart is breaking, it pops into my head and I burst into tears.
And then he back tracks and tells me it's not what I think.
Well...I think it's really F**KED UP you'd cheat on someone who always had your back, I've never, not even once turned him down for sex. Morning sex, afternoon, public, whatever...I was always willing to try. But maybe that's my problem? It's so **** hard to realize you mean next to nothing to the person you love. Like why him? Why did I have to fall for him? I think in a lot of ways he is my biggest weakness...and the problem with that is I still want him, I can't turn it off..it's like I don't know who I am without him....just have tears running down my face...I'm just so lost

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Leahzan's picture
(17910)
Apr 7

He's broken and you deserve so much more. He's got you both convinced you need him, but you don't. Its about control, not about love or sex.

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