Life got totally crazy on Sunday. I moved back in with m

Life got totally crazy on Sunday.

I moved back in with my fiancee last Wednesday after three weeks as she had finally cut the AP out and wanted me to come home so we could begin to work together to build a better future. I was at work Saturday, and she phoned me panicked as 'he had shown up out of the blue' said he was passing and wanted to bring her lunch as he missed her, she told me she had told him he couldn't just turn up to the house. I left work early and came and comforted her.

Sunday morning I went out for a run with my mate who had been putting me up, and came home to be told by her that she had invited the AP round to the house and he would be here in a couple of minutes (this man had threatened to come and cut my throat, and I had found a news story about him having served 10 years in prison for armed assault with guns and knives and kidnapping of a mother and her 2-year-old daughter).

I was scared, to say the least, supposedly she wanted to tell him with me there that it was over and show me that she wanted it over, I said this isn't a conversation I need to be a part of this is something for her to tell him, that she had already told him over a week ago.

He walked through the front door like it was his house and I just saw red, I through one punch and realised it was a mistake, I am no fighter, and this guy out weight my skinny runner build by a lot, he just started beating me across the face, he grabbed me by the throat and said he had been waiting to do this, as he kept hitting me across the face, eventually she pushed him off me, though she took a punch to the head from him. I told him to get out that she had only wanted him here to tell him it was over, so he should go before I phone the police, he laughed and said that's why she "had sex with me yesterday in your bed'. I turned to her and asked if that was true and she admitted it was, so I went upstairs grabbed my basic things, and my dog, and tried to leave but he grabbed me again and began beating me and then put me in a headlock until I nearly went unconscious I had to beg with my eyes for her to stop him which she just about did before I passed out, and I got out of the house and phoned the police.

The police turned up, I admitted that I had thrown the first punch and it had been my only punch, he having served time didn't want to give a statement or anything but my fiancee caring for him and not wanting him to go to jail told them it was me that beat him repeatedly across the head and torso and strangled him till he nearly blacked out, so they arrested both of us. After 7 hours in police custody and being interviewed (something I never ever thought I'd ever face in my life, I didn't even get detention in school) the police let me go without any further action, realising that he didn't have a mark on him and I had his handprints bruised into my neck and my face is black and purple as is my torso.

She phoned me then once I was released and denied saying that she'd given the police that statement that I or they must be wrong, she begged me to come home and that we could work things out.

But after three months and all the lies, she has told me and my friends and family telling me I deserve better, that she is only hurting me, it has taken me nearly leaving my home in a body bag to finally be able to walk away.

And yet I still feel like I love her, and I worry about her as when I phoned her yesterday to make it clear we had to be over as it wasn't safe for me in that relationship both emotionally and now physically, he was there with her, she had watched him nearly kill me, she had messaged me all day saying she was sorry and that she loves me, but still had him with her.

She has suffered severe depression and massive acts of violence in her life growing up, being physically abused by her father, sexually abused by her step-father and then raped by an older teenager as she tried to get away from her home and I worry she is now trapped with another violent man. But I know I have tried to do everything that I can, that I have tried to be there for her and it has only caused me pain and now I need to walk away otherwise it could be a body bag that I leave that house in next time.

I just don't understand how my life has got to this, we had a wonderful relationship, I was truly happy till the day she told me she was having an affair on the 23rd April 2021.

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eddie1975's picture
Jul 21, 2021

You don't deserve to be a part of that drama. Yeah you love her but it's not worth it. Man I would go as far as moving away from wherever you live and starting over completely. Trust me, the drama will never stop otherwise. Get yourself out now and don't look back. Even if you think you can never love someone like her again you will. You will meet someone who will make you forget she exists.

Jul 21, 2021

@John99 agreed, I usually offer some thoughts about reconciliation in my response given that was my experience but sometimes it’s not healthy....and this is an example

Leahzan's picture
Jul 21, 2021

You can't help someone who doesn't want help and sabotages their own happiness. She isn't trapped with a violent man, she CHOSE a violent man. Clearly she has huge issues and while it is laudable to want to help her, you'll just sabotage your own happiness. Be thankful you saw her true self before you were married. The hurt is still huge, but it is easier to walk away (logistically).


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