I've lost hope in my fairytale ending. If I could do it all

I've lost hope in my fairytale ending. If I could do it all over again, I would have stayed single and saved myself the heartache. This pain seems unbearable at times and it's never ending.

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(1590)
Oct 9, 2013

I love my wife even though she has cheated on me on 3 separate occasions. I would marry her all over again. I would trust her all over again, however if I had a "do over" I would trust but with strict accountability. I would hope that during this so called "do over" that I would understand her personality flaws and have them address them professionally.

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(240)
Oct 10, 2013

@crazyblaze How are you able to trust her all over again? It's so hard for me to trust my husband. I take everything he says with a grain of salt. Even if he tells me that I'm amazing or beautiful, I can't allow myself to take those words as truth. I love my husband because he's a good father and provider. I love him because he is relentless when he is trying to reach a goal. But I do not like him. I am so comfortable when it's me and our daughter. As soon as he gets home, I'm ready to find the nearest exit and be away from him. All I see are the lies.

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(1590)
Oct 17, 2013

I understand completely! My wife had some of the most incredible lies that you could imagine. I believed all the lies because of my love, trust and faith in her. She carried on her affair right in front of me. She had no respect for me or our family. She did some truly despicable acts. She disgraced herself, and lost all my faith and trust in her. However, she has acknowledged her actions, she has come clean with ( I believe) all the dirty truths. She is seeking help through a therapist to try and discover herself and make self improvements. I love my wife more than life it self. So I have tried to come to an understanding of what she did and why. This a difficult task because it involves a lot of self reflection. I'm not sure I can tell you what forgiveness looks like. But I think that before you can open the trust door again you need to start the forgiveness process. And before you can start the forgiveness process you need to know the whole truth, I needed to know all the dirty acts and thoughts that went into the affair. For me I couldn't forgive unless I knew what I was forgiving for. The trust issue is huge for me as well, but as long as know that my wife is working on her issues and moving forward to be a better person, wife, friend and partner then I'm willing to give her all my love and support. I will learn to trust her again. But we both know that it will come with time and accountability. I will never let myself be her door mat again. She knows this, I confront her when I don't understand her actions, her comments and her desires. She is my best friend and I plan to stay here and support my best friend and I just hope and pray that in time I will be able to trust her again. Good luck to you and your family.

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