It's been 9 months now. I moved 2700 miles away to a new co

It's been 9 months now.
I moved 2700 miles away to a new country.. I lived on my own for the first time. I'm learning a lot of lessons about life as I'm recovering from being cheated on by the love of my life of 7 years.

I learned that absolute love isn't enough. I learned that love requires planning. That people don't just want love, they want money. They want plans, initiative, investments. For 7 years I would have happily lived in a car for the one I loved. I would have been poor, I would have been anything as long as we were together. Now I just want to find security and figure out my future before I am too old to have a family or security. That just seems to be how life is. Makes me more sad to type it out, but it's the truth.

I learned that when you have anxiety, you have to face fear every time you want to have joy. You have to conquer it constantly and it's exhausting but it's what you have to do to have memories that make life worth it.

I learned that I can live on my own if I have to.

I learned that I will probably never stop loving him. I'll probably still think about him for a long time, maybe years, maybe decades, and maybe I will cry. It will happen because of me. It doesn't matter who I'm with, or where I am, or how mad or sad or dissapointed I am or what happened. It doesnt matter how far we are or how happy or succesful I am or how over it I am. I loved that person and something happened that broke my heart and it hurt, and it will always be there. I had a dream and a future that got ripped away and it will never happen now and I will always wonder why. I will always miss that sweet love I had but half of that love.. maybe more.. was me. Maybe I will just miss the memories, and how happy I was, and what I wanted.

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[2905]
Oct 12

Wow. So beautifully said.....Ditto!

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[14135]
Oct 12

You should be really proud of yourself! That's what courage is...taking risks, even though you're are afraid or feel anxiety.

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Fooled's picture
[9345]
Oct 12

My heart goes out to you .. incredibly strong to do what you did! I hope happy ever after for you.

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