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I'm struggling so much :'( Myself and my (ex) partner wer


I'm struggling so much :'(

Myself and my (ex) partner were due to get married in 4 weeks and I just found out 4 weeks ago he's been unfaithful. As you can imagine, it's completely devastated me. I should be getting my final dress fitting and looking forward to our married lives but instead I'm thinking about how to end the pain. I cannot believe the betrayal and the deceit, how he could so this to me and us and our families. I have cancelled the wedding.

He can't understand why he's done it and regrets it, he wants to get married and is having counselling and on anti depressants. He's not discovered the trigger yet but believes it to be some form of 'acting out' and thinks it is a sex addiction. Hes had a gambling addiction prior to out relationship 4 years ago and has cheated in his last relationship which I knew about.

I'm unsure whether I can move forward with him but reluctant to not try.

In a way I am free to leave, we have no ties, not married obviously, no children, so I am in a perfect position to run away as fast as I can and my head is telling me to do that, but my heart still loves him and wonders if I should put my all into being with him, making it work and supporting him.

I'm so lost and it isn't getting easier.

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Jun 14

@Hope2Help2018 Thank you so much for your time and words I have just started my own counselling and I have an amazing network of family and friends around me; I didn't realise how many and how lucky I am!

I've considered taking up dancing to try something new and occupy my time, I don't feel strong enough to go yet though. People always ask about your situation, I used to be so proud saying I was due to marry my best friend, the man of my dreams (Laughable now)!

I considered a journal but didn't know how helpful it would be. I just cry when I go over things in my head, I wonder if I'm even feeling sorry for myself!

I'm not sure what I want and I'm not good with decisions at the best of times :'(

Jun 14

I am glad to hear what a great support system that you have. Congratulations on starting the counseling. These two things will help you get through this.

It's time to get out those dancing shoes.... :-) Have you tried to come up with a new story line? Like:

I've decided to take a detour in life and see where it takes me... "or"
I've decided not to marry my Romeo because I did not want to become his Juliet.... LOL (we all know how that ended.. not good) "or"
Life is full of uncertainties and I needed to be certain before making a life long commitment. "or"
I had a brain freeze... "or"
He decided to join the circus... LOL

People do not always need to know everything. Find your story line that is less invasive and stick to it...
Some of these would take them off guard and spin a little light to the situation.

Laughter is the best medicine and as we grow in our years of experience we need to learn to laugh at ourselves even more. It is hard to think about it now, but one day this event in your life will bring laughter and you will be glad you were saved by the bell.

I had a guy propose to me but, he really did not mean it. He thought it was what I wanted and that it would change me and change things... Really??? So I asked him if it was a conditional proposal...if things did not change was he going to call it off??? (we were together for 4 years, +) Needless to say, we did not get married. It was a poor joke. Life is full of craziness. Unfortunately, it hurts, it takes time to heal, and life moves on with or without us.

I named my journal after the guy who proposed and did not mean it. I wrote three books full....LOL It really does help. It helps get all of the emotions out and you will feel better. You will find that you will go from writing daily for awhile, then to a couple of times a week, to every few weeks as time moves on, so will you.

I cried a lot too. Especially in the beginning. Then I remembered one of the things that I was taught as a little girl..

"Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!" Psalms

Get dancing, get writing, continue counseling and cherishing your support system and you will figure it all out!

I have faith in you!! You had a hurt that was immeasurable. But, I believe, you have what it takes to over come this!! You've got this!

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Kas1966's picture
Jun 14

@D1M3R give yourself time


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