I'm really struggling with the fact that my husband seems un

I'm really struggling with the fact that my husband seems unaffected by everything that is happening at the moment. I feel like I'm falling apart but he seems to be carrying on as if nothing has happened. Is this normal?

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devastatedinptbo's picture
Jun 19

I’ve noticed in the many stories I’ve read on here over the last few years that in those relationships where the betrayed spouse clings tightly to the relationship and is very willing to forgive and move forward with rebuilding that more often than not, the unfaithful spouse continues on in a pattern of self righteous behaviour that remains focused on themselves and their needs. It’s almost like they feel justified in their behaviours because even the person they disrespected so completely still wants them. It’s a huge ego boost. I think maybe when the betrayed spouse is less motivated to forgive and forget, the unfaithful spouse may feel more of a sense urgency to examine themselves and their choices. If they see you taking steps to separate your life from them such as asking them to leave temporarily while you take some time to decide what you want, it can also drive home for them that there are limits to the disrespect and abuse you are willing to put up with. It shows that you have standards for yourself that they no longer meet. It puts the ball in their court in terms of making real changes. And it can be very empowering and freeing for yourself to decide in your mind that you actually do deserve better and can make it happen for yourself if this person doesn’t step up.

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Fiftyyoung's picture
Jun 19

@devastatedinptbo you are sooooo right

chas188's picture
Jun 20

@devastatedinptbo could not agree more not so easy but empowering took me a year to really advocate for myself and really say how I felt and not just agree to make things " ok" I think that shook her more than anything

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