I posted in this group about 6 weeks ago to seek insight, co

I posted in this group about 6 weeks ago to seek insight, comfort, and advice for my wife emotionally cheating on me. Since that time I’ve done a lot of work. I’m working out and running daily. I’ve been in therapy and support groups for 6 weeks (thank you all for everything) and I’ve tried giving my wife space, being patient, and not trying to force her to talk to me. As time drew on, she had completely stonewalled me and continued to speak/text/etc. with the other person. Finally a few days ago, I asked her to make a choice, end all communication with him or lose me and break apart our family (we have a child). She was upset and said she didn’t want to be married anymore. The next day she came to me and started to talk. I listened without judgement and got to hear most of the emotional unhappiness she has been holding on too. I also prompted her to tell me everything, and she eventually did. She told me that she had sex with the other person about 3 weeks ago. I’m completely broken and fractured. Now she is open to going to couples therapy and wants to try for our family and our son. In her words “she wants to love me”. I’m so torn. I’ve begged for her to go with me to a therapist since this all started. And she let it get to this point. She gave a physical thing that was supposed to be hers and I’s to share forever to someone else. And she said the other person doesn’t mean anything. “It was just an escape from reality and a temporary high” in her words. She said he means nothing to her and that it only happened once. She has kissed him on multiple occasions. I don’t know what to do. I really don’t. I want a normal family for my son, but she actively deceived me and lied to me for a month and a half. She tried to make me feel paranoid or that my emotions weren’t valid the whole time. I’m so broken and would welcome any advice or support you can offer.

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John99's picture
(5315)
Jul 22

@helpunderstanding22
You sound like your at peace with everything right now and that is great. But be prepared you are going to have some painful times. You need to let yourself grieve for your relationship. Sticking with the counselling is great and that will be a big help to you. Just take your time and remember you are not alone. You have people here who will help you all they can. Good luck to you and I hope you find happiness and peace.

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kevin79's picture
(690)
Jul 24

Just read this, and see so much of my situation mirrored here. I had suspected an EA for about a month and she finally confessed. Little did I know (and didn't find out until D-day about 3 months later) is that she only confessed the EA out of guilt to appease her conscience somewhat because she had just met up with him and had sex for the first time. At least, this is my interpretation of events. And it wasn't really the first 'first time' because he was an ex. Anyway, I pushed for counseling and she agreed. She proceeded to point out problem after problem in our marriage. Instead of feeling better about our relationship and thinking the confession of the EA would help us heal, things felt like they were going downhill. This behavior continued for 3 months, and I find out she's been in communication with him the whole time and taking days off of work to meet him in hotels. As difficult as learning about the EA was, knowing she had taken it to the physical level and been lying to my face while at the same time making me feel like a horrible husband was absolutely devastating. Stay strong. The first month or two is the worst. I am 4 months in now, and while things are still hard as hell for me, there have been huge improvements and steps in the right direction from her. This is not a process that can be rushed. Hang in there.

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Glad you are seeking counsel. That is good. You might consider a marriage seminar like "weekend to remember". Christian based. Over a weekend - couples can learn all the important aspects of marriage including God's design for marriage and vows. You also find out how marriages fail and how to fix that. They emphasize praying for your marriage every day. Many couples have benefited from this seminar and are on the path to reconciliation. This seminar was incredibly helpful to my wife and I. God Bless and Prayers for your marriage!

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