I need help getting past the tremendous guilt after having t
I need help getting past the tremendous guilt after having the affair but staying in my marriage. Anyone else?
I just supported you. If you'd like to support me back, we can have a private conversation. While I haven't read every single post, I don't think you've told your husband. If you still haven't, I actually am in the minority that thinks you shouldn't- as long as you are resolved to be faithful and committed to your husband and are remorseful, which it would seem you are. Infidelity is VERY difficult to recover from. I will bear the scars and insecurity of my husband's betrayal forever even though we are so much better- our marriage is better than even before his affair; I believe hat to be true. I wish you peace.
@skhc my H did that. Didn't tell me because he was committed to being faithful and never doing it again. Spent 9 months making up for everything he had done wrong (didn't tell me about the affair but did say he had been tempted and it made him realize the many ways in which he hadn't appreciated me enough, had done wrong etc). It lasted 3 years and then he had another affair. Not telling is leaving the window open. When the guilt and pain wear off (kind of like childbirth), and you haven't resolved the underlying issues within yourself that led you to do this, it will likely happen again. telling your spouse and really working on yourself in therapy is, IMHO, the only way to really commit to not doing it again.
I concur about the therapy part especially since @Kelly7777 doesn't know why she did it, but I am not sure telling the spouse is always the answer.