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I love my wife and I’m in love with my wife. She’s absol

I love my wife and I’m in love with my wife. She’s absolutely everything and wears several different hats my best friend, my lover, and wife. I stepped out of our marriage and had an affair while she was away. I had sex with this person 3 different times and also let someone else give me oral. I never deleted text exchanges or chose to truly hide my phone. It’s like I needed to go through this subconsciously. We have been together for over 8 years and married for 2. I’m seeing a therapist, went to confession. Changed my car, my phone, really have connected with family, cut off, blocked and deleted those women. And chose to distance myself of my best friend of over 15 years who is a hardcore cheater and lives a bachelor lifestyle. I absolutely can not afford to lose my wife, at heart Im a family man and instead of expressing my sur pressed feelings and resentment anxiety I dealt with it in the most disrespectful way. I almost which I had chose hard drugs instead of sex. Is cheating honestly the end to a marriage and the end with your relationship with that person whom you’ve slept next to for over 8 years?

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Pacita4's picture
Apr 8

@Rich1978 This will take time. There is no make number I can tell you. You just need to be there for your wife. Your wife needs to talk to someone about all this. My husband was still in the affair fog 3 months after he came clean. He couldn’t give her up emotionally. My 2 older kids over heard him talking to her. After that I gave myself 6 months to figure out what I wanted. To see if he truly was going to change. I’m almost 14 months since that day. There were many nights I balled my eyes out after sex. The husband held me, told me he was so sorry. Told me he wasn’t going any where. I can say I am out of that stage. Now he and I are working to make this marriage stronger. He still sees his therapist, which I am very thankful for. Give your wife time.

Apr 8

@Floored I felt the same way.. I divorced my husband.. the same intense, affectionate feelings were not there anymore

beth65's picture
Apr 8

My husband just did porn when I went out of town and I couldn't get over it. Many people don't see a problem with that but we had agreed before dating about that. If he felt differently he needed to say so. If he changed his mind about it he needed to tell me. I thought he desired only me and I was devastated. He also smoked pot behind my back (we had decided not to do that and it was illegal) and who knows what else he hid. I just couldn't trust him again. That was a main reason I married him because he had eyes for only me and said he wanted a relationship based on trust. And I thought fidelity meant a lot to him. I couldn't not see those images when I was with him after that. Before it was just the two of us in the bedroom, now it was the two of us and all those women he had been watching and comparing me to them and trying to be more attractive and more in the bedroom for him. And some of what he watched was women doing things I would not do. So now I really felt inadequate and undesirable. It really does a number on a woman. And all his buddies knew what he was doing behind my back so I felt like an idiot being the one person who should know what's going on with her husband and being the only person who didn't know. I just felt like a whor, like what we had was just sex. It wasn't the same anymore. He defended what he did, never went to counseling, never became transparent with his phone and internet, etc. In fact he started hiding his phone so I couldn't get angry at him for anything he said to his buddies. Hiding the phone and also he had a girl he would talk to that was his friend and I had asked him repeatedly if he is going to talk to her do it in front of me. Hiding his phone is what pushed me out the door. He told me he never wanted to be married in the first place (even though he pursued me). After I left I found out he had been secretly talking to other women, one of whom he is now engaged to. I've seen a couple get through infidelity, but he checks in with her his every move even 25 plus years later. He would not have gotten a second chance. The thing is too my husband knew this would devastate me and he did it anyway. That hurt more than anything else, that he was willing to hurt me that bad. He also was inconsiderate and not cherishing me in other ways. Example I have asthma and my doctor said not to breathe in the vape steam. He would vape constantly in the house and in our bedroom because he didn't believe the doctor. When I went out of town how nice it would have been if he would have texted or called me instead of turning away from me and how nice it would have been if he would have let the anticipation of being together again build and maybe even buy me flowers and stuff like that. There was plenty he could have done to amuse himself. Instead I believe he was resentful that I had the freedom to leave (to go see family and once to volunteer helping hurricane victims) and he was stuck there and so he strayed instead of telling me how he was feeling and us working on the issues. Anyway I don't know if my rant helps you. If it were me you would have to prove it for years before I would believe it. You would have to be completely transparent and devoted for years to come. It sounds like you have made a great start. There is a guy on youtube who has made a business out of this:

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