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I just want to say thank you for all the responses and I wan

[125]

I just want to say thank you for all the responses and I wanted to message back individually but I just feel it’s hard to talk about it right now. I have been somewhat numb to the pain since it happened since I have went through this before but tonight it all kinda set in and my wife tried to console me and wanted to give me a hug and tell me it will never happen again but I pushed her away I know she has no idea what it is like! But I know everyone here does. It seems like it’s a lot easier to cope with it while I’m with the kids but once they fall asleep I just get flooded with emotions. The first time it happen I was a wreck but this time it seems a little easier but now I’m wondering if it really is easier.

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Annep2018's picture
[705]
Oct 11

@Ae714
That makes complete sense. I felt like I was faking it thru my day. Doing what needed to be done, but with out emotion. That is great about going to see a counselor. I have been seeing one the last 7 months. I needed someone to talk to, I had not told anyone what was going on with my marriage at the time. We also had moved, and I did not feel right talking to people about this situation when you have just met them. The counselor has helped me. Initially I was having a hard time with my decision to work things out with my husband. We have been married for 22 years with 2 kids. The counselor was helping me to be respectful of my choices. Rather than beat myself up and say I’m stupid for staying with this person, it was like how would you treat and help your best friend in this situation. You would not call them stupid for staying. The other issue I had was constantly questioning why did my spouse do this to me. Why? Why? How could they? What were they thinking? I have tried to retrain my brain to stop asking why’s, what’s and just accept that they did this. I needed to just accept that yes you were cheated on and lied to. There is something wrong with them. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. I needed to focus more on self care too. I hope that makes sense. Since I caught my husband back with the affair partner the sessions switched more to how am I going to move forward separated. She gave me advise on who else I can lean on for support. I have finally confided in a friend, and that has helped too. One that I have gotten to know that would be discreet and not judge-mental. It is humiliating what we are going thru. I have found this counselor helps, and I feel better after talking with her, and she takes my medical insurance which is great. I did see a different counselor initially after dday in August 2018. She was ok. I felt she was in over her head with all of the issues, and we needed someone with a bit more experience. I have a few days in a row where I am really sad and cry a lot and then a few days where I am really angry. I am really angry at him for not following thru with seeing our kids. Since he moved out, he has not come back to see them. He is 17 hours by car or a plane ride away by choice. I could not imagine not seeing my kids for 2 1/2 months. Space and time apart has helped me, as hard as that is to admit. Is that something that is possible for you? I have been able to work thru things in my mind that I might not have been able to otherwise with seeing this person every day. I know it is so challenging with small kids. I try minimal contact at this point, and only communicate about things we would have to talk about if he was home. I text about the finances/bills, and the kids. I am trying to find new places to go and explore with the kids. I think just knowing that you are not alone in dealing with infidelity and all that goes along with it is helpful too.

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[125]
Oct 13

I’m glad to hear that you found a counselor that helped u! I hope the one that I have chosen is just as good as yours. All though I’ve been living here all my life 37 yrs. I haven’t told anyone about what happened. Except everyone on this site I too just feel embarrassed especially since this is the 3rd time. The first times I told a couple family members and a good friend. The second time I told just my friend. This time I want to tell him but Im just too embarrassed. So it is nice to talk to someone about it, thank you for all of your support and advise I really appreciate it. I couldn’t imagine not seeing my kids for 2 1/2 months either! I have a hard time not seeing them if I go a day without them! After the first affair i moved out and I would have my daughter for 3 days and then she would have her for three and that was tough for me. If I do follow through with the divorce I would have to get partial custody I don’t think I could be just a weekend dad. That’s why it is so hard for me to leave my daughter would just be heartbroken we are very close and I don’t want to lose that bond that I have with her now. It sounds like not having him in the picture is helping you get over everything and not seeing him very often exchanging the kids ect. I’m sure helps out and it’s his fault for not seeing them and I’m sure one day he will realize all the times he missed with them and how he will never be able to get that time back. Time moves faster and faster the older we get so we always must enjoy and embrace all the times we have with our kids because they grow up fast and next thing we know they will be moving out and starting their own families. I hope things continue to get better for u and I think exploring and doing new things is great idea I’m sure the kids love it and they will appreciate even more when they grow up and remember these times they spent with u.

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Annep2018's picture
[705]
Oct 16

@Ae714 Thanks for your encouragement. I’ve kind of been sad the last few days. Nothing new, I think just grieving what we had and how things are going to be different in my life. I hear you. I never in a million years thought I would be sharing my personal drama online!! I guess what ever works right. At least we are trying to better ourselves, and will hopefully come out of this nightmare stronger. I can only imagine what you are going thru. How are things going for you? Have you seen a therapist yet?

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