I haven't really been on here in awhile. I made a new friend
I haven't really been on here in awhile. I made a new friend that I have been talking to and he has helped me see things differently, and has brought some fun back into my life. It has also made me a little sad because I wish I had met him many years ago. I am not sure how I feel about my husband, but our relationship feels like more of a friendship, not a man and woman in love with each other. We are still going to counseling and working on our marriage but even our counselor describe us as on opposites ends of the earth moving towards each other, but as we get to each other, we miss. I went back home to Fresno over Easter and took an extra couple days to basically have my mom take care of me. My husband said he missed me and the kids, but when he had the opportunity to spend alone time with me, he was in the living room watching tv, then he played video games. I don't understand how he can say he missed me when I get home and he spends zero time with me.
I got together with an old friend when I was home and I found out that another friend of ours is going through problems in her marriage with her husband on the internet, going to dating sites. Then my husband tells me that his friend's wife left him, came back a few days later and said she wants a divorce. I'm not sure if it is just my age group or what, but I am beginning to wonder if there are any couples who have not been affected by infidelity. It is so discouraging.
I have another friend I work with who had a bad marriage and has been divorced for years, raised her girls and last year met up with a boy who used to walk her home everyday from elementary school. They have both been in bad marriages and all these years found each other. I look at them and my gut tells me"they are going to make it," and that makes me wonder if I married the wrong person, that I missed my chance by not waiting longer. This new friend I have been talking to makes me feel good, I was even upfront with my husband and asked if he minded me talking to this person and his response was, "no, I trust you." I've even told him how this friend compliments me and makes me feel good, and he doesn't seem to care.
It has just been an emotional day and I felt the need to start coming back here instead. My computer was telling me I needed to do some things with my pictures so I started clearing them out and as I am looking at the pictures from the last years, I start crying. These memories are now dates and a timeline for my husbands affairs. Instead of remembering when my niece was born, it was when he was sleeping with my "friend." My son's 2nd birthday, he was still sleeping with her. Why can't I just find my happy ever after?
I'm so sorry you have experienced the pain of infidelity. That betrayal will likely always impact you and linger in the back of your mind. It can create almost a PSTD effect, can't it? I would really encourage you to continue the counseling - for your own well being. And, if you can find one, a support group for others in your shoes. Leaning on others as you grieve can be very helpful. The challenge with marriage - all marriage - is that after about the first 2 years, that "in love feeling" goes away. Then it's just hard work. Both parties have to fight to work together and both parties have to make a choice to stay that way. This seems to be why infidelity can occur: one party meets someone that makes them "feel in love again". That feeling is drug like, and they pursue it. Eventually that feeling will die off with the new person as well. It's how we are "wired". It's true - we can grow away from each other through the years.
It's not a reason to give up, but many do. Hence the Infidelity. Take care of yourself at this time. I haven't read your previous posts, but if you need to separate from your spouse, consider doing so. You may need this time to really figure out what your next step is and begin attempting to heal. Best wishes to you.