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I haven't been on here much lately but I just wanted to give

[3015]

I haven't been on here much lately but I just wanted to give a quick update. We are doing really well with our recovery together. My triggers are at an absolute minimum and I think it's because after begging my husband to ask me how I am doing with things and if I've had anything come up, he now asks me every day at a predictable time. He used to not want to bring it up because it would look like I was having a good day and he didn't want to bring me down. I told him that the darkness was always there looming and that I NEEDED him to ask. So now, knowing if I have something that comes to mind that hurts that he will ask me how I'm doing lets me let go of it for the moment instead of stewing on it knowing I'll have to get through it alone. The first few days of him asking were hard and I had a thousand questions but I prefaced it with a pre-forgiven blanket, meaning he could be 100% honest without fear of me being mad and deciding to leave him. I told him that I made my decision to stay and in order to move forward together we needed to be in lock step. I'm telling you guys, my heart feels lighter, I don't cry every day now, we are communicating on a much deeper level and processing things that we've buried over the years. We also found a much better therapist who is an infidelity specialist and we are going to continue to see her, even though we are feeling ok at the moment. I know it will come in waves but I am living in the present and pouring my all into being the best version of me that I can be. With everything that has gone on, we made a decision to renew our wedding vows and go on a "honeymoon." So, in about 2.5 weeks we will be headed to St Lucia for 10 days of reconnecting after saying I do again. I truly believe none of this would be possible if my husband wasn't giving 100% of his effort like he is. He is doing everything that I need in order to heal and he has never, not once, given me an ounce of anger in response to my trauma reactions and he has reassured me that I carry none of the blame. I can't predict how tomorrow will look but I feel more solid as a couple and I feel safer in our relationship.

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[3015]
Jul 12

@devastatedinptbo agreed. I thought we were solid before but we weren't and I've had to learn to accept that. I feel that we are much stronger now than we ever were before. My husband never opened up to me more than on a superficial level because he was always taught to bury your feelings and ignore it. My mind scares me into thinking about the what-ifs from time to time. My husband's uncle recently took his own life after a struggle with depression and his dad (his uncle's twin brother) was pretty close to the same fate. I'm grateful for the growth, but I hate what it took to get us there... if that makes sense lol

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devastatedinptbo's picture
[76255]
Jul 12

@Ep83 yep, I totally get that!

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Hurtafter20years's picture
[865]
Jul 12

This made me cry! I'm so happy for you

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