I have never done anything like this, but I feel like I need

Dlee1804's picture
[250]

I have never done anything like this, but I feel like I need neutrap perspective and advice l. Last April I found out my husband of 10 years, that I trusted without question, was texting/talking to a close friend of mine regularly. Sometimes there were 40+ texts a day, 200 + A month, all hours of the day (even when we were on family outings, at home, etc) when I approached him about the number of texts, he said he didnt realize it was that often, (almost daily on weekdays- very rarely weekends because her husband was home). He denied seeing rhis pattern, said it was all baseball related (he did coach one of her sons on a team with ours, but he had no reason and dis not talk to any of the other moms or dads for that matter hardly ever). When confronted, she said she disnt realize it was that much, but that they had been talking a lot over that year. He denied having any sort of reason. Denies that he knew it was almost daily, and that he certainly had nothing significant to talk to her about. It was just " baseball chat". What do you think. 7 am in mornings, after games, on practice days, non game and practice days, etc. There were personal videos shared of her kids, pics of mine, and they did share a few other videos and pictures that were not innappropriate but still very personal in nature. We went to counseling and the counselor feels he is in denial. He tells me he cant answer my questions because it meant nothing, at most became a habit, and stopped as soon as I lost it. . . Thoughts? Everytime we try to talk about it he gets angry and walks away and says he has nothing to twll me because he didnt realize he was doing it so much. This has been very difficult for me to process and I now do not trust him with my heart at all. We have two kids and are successful, but this is breaking me.

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[45]
Jan 13

From my experience, my first discovery was quite similar. Just texts.

Next discovery was that there were some nudes.

Next disovery is there was a second guy.

Final discovery, there were 7 months were of affairs with boths guys. (apparently one after another).

10 years married, 16 years together. Snow white type character. Played it like each discovery was the bottom. And I am not even sure the last discovery was the real bottom.

My advice, keep digging. but hold out the belief that not everyone has gone that. Trust your gut. And at the end of the day, ask yourself whether it even matters if it went any further. If your don't trust what he is saying now, that says quite a bit to me. And leads me to believe that there is quite a bit else that is underlying the mistrust than just this one deed.

Good luck.

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diver1972's picture
[2970]
Jan 14

"Played it like each discovery was the bottom. And I am not even sure the last discovery was the real bottom."

Yeah, the deceit like that shows shame much like a drug addict.

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diver1972's picture
[2970]
Jan 14

@CanadianM36 "ask yourself whether it even matters if it went any further."

Very true.

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