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I have been married for 21 years been with him for 25. I ha

I have been married for 21 years been with him for 25. I had an affair about 8 months ago. Told my husband 2 months after that. The affair ended because i wanted my husband. I wasn't gonna tell him thought i could just end it and make our marriage work. It doesn't work that way. I couldn't go on living in the lie. I told him. As expected he didn't take it well. But unexpectedly he said that he loved me and that we would work this out. For the first month it was crazy uncontrolled emotions from the both of us and the blame game started. So we decided to go to counseling. We set up a couples session and individual ones for the both of us. He went to one couples session and decided not to go back. I still go to my sessions. My affair and why i told him were 2 fold. I wanted him to hurt. and i needed to feel wanted. I had a revenge affair. Hes had 2 affairs a long time ago that we never talked about. I didn't feel wanted by him. Instead of telling him or reaching out to him i decided to go outside of our marriage. Two wrongs does not make a right (too little too late)

I am trying to do everything i can to show him im sorry and that i do love him. I want my marriage to work. I want to grow old with him. I gave him my passwords to my email my work email and timesheet. He has a locator on my phone that he sees every where i am. If there is somewhere i need to be that is out of the ordinary i let him know. I facetime him when i can. I go to work and come straight home. I do not have social media anymore. If i need to go to the grocery store i ask him if he wants to come or i take one of the kids along if hes not home. I answer any questions that he has about the affair honestly. He
in constant turmoil within himself. He is competition with the man i had an affair with (they do not know each other) (size, looks, satisfaction). He has small"man" syndrome (which he is not a "small man"). what else can i do to help with his insecurities? What can i do differently to help the situation? My questions may be the wrong questions but any answers will help.

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[480]
Jan 13

@Scat I have let God down more than anyone else and yet he still hears my prayers even when I turned my back on Him. So yes I feel like He is one guarantee in my life and that is what I hold on to. My counselor has brought up the fact that it will take both of us to repair our marriage and that I have to keep in mind that it may not work out if both parties aren't willing to do the work. I will continue to pray for understanding and guidance as it is all that I have right now. Thank you for your prayers.

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[480]
Jan 13

@devastatedinptbo I have just ordered another book that was recommended. I will get that one as soon as im done with this one. Thank you

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clarisa's picture
[1205]
Jan 13

@WornOut32 thanks! Yes very independent except that it gets complicated with the kids and trying to process everything. I do need my sanity pretty bad though. It’s only been 5 weeks but very exhausted.

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