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I had another fight with my husband. Basically I was worried

I had another fight with my husband. Basically I was worried that they are still in contact. He told me it's over and he doesn't see or talk to her. A lot was said but these are some of the things. I told him that I am not afraid of her and he said not to contact her because it will make her happy and think that I am still bothered by her and that she's still an issue in our marriage.
I said I could beat the s$it out of her I'm not afraid of her or of you. He said it's not about me being afraid of her it's that she will think she is of great importance and who the he!! cares about a wh0re from Brooklyn. I told him that I know where she lives and her house phone number and I'll contact her husband if she tries to get in contact with my husband. He said it's ok. He should never have married a wh0re anyways and he would be better off because she was always complaining that she wants to leave her husband so she can be free to do and fu$$ anybody she wants. He said that it's over and no matter how much we fight about it he can't change things. I said how could you do this? You could have stopped it you could have not started this. He said yes but you don't understand how these things go and I said no I don't, tell me. He said it's very difficult to stop these things. It's like an addiction like smoking, it's very difficult to stop. I said I know it felt good because she was boosting your ego and it made you feel good but you ruined your marriage and our relationship.
I said I thought I had the greatest marriage and the best husband and I don't think that anymore. I told him I think we should separate,at least I know where we stay, I can't be terrorized by being afraid you two will start again. Of course he told me that's not what he wants etc. I said I'll be honest with you. I have days when I get so upset that all I keep thinking about is packing my suitcase and disappearing. He said you want to leave to punish me. Anyways he said they don't contact each other,he doesn't think about her ,it's like she doesn't exist. I'm the one who keeps bringing her up.

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[11085]
May 18

@Floored Dr. Laura says that two days after you and I are dead we will remember the horribly selfish act of our SO's. Forgive, maybe, but forget, never. Never, ever, ever. You and I cannot forget the worst and most traumatic experience of our lives. Our brains remember in order to protect us.

I applaud you for being strong enough to demand that he owns it. You'll know when you are ready to give him more space for saying stupid things, but I respect that you are able to hold him accountable.

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[19660]
May 18

@metallicat17 I guess it is not just me then. I feel like ...how dare him do this to me...oh he!! No! That is not ok, he screwed up and he has to own it and face the consequences of his actions or he needs to leave. I have to be the one to forgive him after what he has done so he should do what ever I need him to do to make it right. If he can not do that why should I put myself through this? I am giving him a chance to heal our marriage, so as uncomfortable as it is for him to say out loud what he has done, he needs to every time I get a trigger because he caused them.

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Zoey91015's picture
[430]
May 24

Same.i tell mine."you did this how dare you get made at me for crying you did this you are tge one that distroyed the trust, you not me. Maybe if you would own it id get past it."

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