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I find myself thinking about my affair partner constantly. E


I find myself thinking about my affair partner constantly. Even though i KNOW it wouldn't work....I have two precious children. He has no patience. It would be a disaster! I can't stop stalking his OW IG account. I'm 40, his OW that he said is only his "placeholder" and keeps him busy is 29. It makes me feel so bad. I want to stop doing this! He always said he would drop her for me in a second if I would leave my husband for him. I'm starting counseling tonight. I feel like a horrible person, I want my longing to stop, I feel like my brain chemistry has even changed! This is not me! I want to be a great wife and mother. I almost feel like I've been through a trauma, and my husband is course has been as well. This is the worst feeling ever. I knew an affair was never the answer, and now feeling the effects has me crushed.

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Jan 16

@SadInChicago89 I hope you are able to find peace, I assume you are no longer with h?

Jan 16

@Penguin007 we really can relate. I clicked your name to support you and if you do the same with me, we can message each other. The double life absolutely became too much! And the lying.... I'm amazed at the amount of lying I did. Never, ever would I have thought I was capable of the amount of lies I told! My husband deserves so much better than this. I was ashamed at the physical and emotional withdrawal symptoms that I had when I ended it with my AP. It has only been a couple of weeks, but I can honestly say it gets better with time. Whenever my mind drifts to my ex AP, I look at happy memories/pics with my family and call my kids or husband. I'm making plans with my husband now, not trying to find a way to see my AP without anyone finding out. I am starting to feel the weight lift, and all the benefits of staying in my marriage. My husband and I are in counseling. I told my husband about the affair, and we are working....hard.... to make our marriage better than it was. It's going to take awhile. Obviously my husband is having a hard time trusting me. But I'm finally hopeful for our future. It's a long, brutal road. I want to let everyone know....affairs are never the answer, and only cause tremendous devastation and heartbreak. I, like you, also wish I could turn back time and never have met my AP.

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Jan 17

@devastatedinptbo I have to say that I agree totally. For me, I see where your H is coming from. Because I feel the same. It wasn’t my h making me unhappy in the marriage. It was ME. I wasn’t happy and couldn’t face it or deal with it so I too just procrastinated and created a hell for myself. Funnily enough, having an affair just makes everything worse. It doesn’t help with anything. I learnt that the hard way.


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