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I discovered there was a lot more to my husbands affair and

Dryad's picture

I discovered there was a lot more to my husbands affair and online activities. I knew that three years ago he started an online affair with a woman he met through his secret Tumblr account. I knew that it was very intense and involved cyber sex with shared pics, videos, role-playing, and the like. I knew they said they loved each other. I knew that when she asked if it was really cheating since it was online, he said yes, it was, but it was what they needed so it was okay. This was all horrible to discover, and I found so much more online in his search history, photos, videos, audios. I thought I would die from the pain. But he got into therapy immediately and did everything right, it seemed. Individual, marital, full transparency, etc. We have worked on recovery for three years, and while it’s had it’s ups and downs, I did feel that we made a lot of progress. I was beginning to be able to put it in the past and build something new. There was always this little voice inside, feeling like maybe there was something more. Every now and then I’d do internet searches just to see. And last week, I found a LOT. I confronted him, and after a lot of lies - convincing ones - he admitted that he actually had the Tumblr account not for just 4 months, but for over a year. There was not just one affair, but 2. I am so frustrated with him for lying to me. I feel thrust way back in my recovery. We are re-staring marital, and he said his therapist chewed him out for lying. Now I’m back to not know what he is thinking about me or what else he may be lying about. I thought I married someone very different than I did.

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Dryad's picture
Sep 18

@devastatedinptbo Thank you! Yes - he has been working on a lot of this in therapy for the last few years. He told me his therapist “laid into” him when he told him about the lies I’d discovered. There are some deep issues involved for sure!

Sep 18

@Dryad I pray your h continues to do the work, in this case all of it since this is on him.

Sep 23

What I did and am still doing is knowing that plan B will be the result of another cheating
Use the strength that you will love yourself enough to stop his abusing you and you will leave if he continues
Love yourself
Strengthen yourself
Self preservation


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