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**I apologize in advance if this gets too explicit and lengt

**I apologize in advance if this gets too explicit and lengthy**
I have to get some things off my chest. Have had a rough several days. I've managed my anger in pretty well thru all this, but it's eating me up.
4-5 days ago, hubs and I are chatting about this FUN stuff. I had heard "It just happened" and "I never meant to sleep with her" for the last fkn time. This sh!t does not JUST HAPPEN. I feel like there is ZERO accountability for the hundreds and hundreds of decisions it took to put himself in the situation he did. I told him that. That his **** did not just fall inside her all on its own. He's argued many times it wasn't intentional. BS! He finally says, okay I understand what you're saying. I'm like you knew exactly what you were doing when you kissed the first time, when you got her phone number, when you texted that first time, when you downloaded chat apps to hide it, etc...He still says, "yeah, but I didn't plan to have sex".
So I probe more, regretfully. I'm like okay, tell me how it happened the first time. He said they had been kissing "like they normally do". WTF??? Like you normally do??? How is this a "normally do" thing with some skank he barely knew for a couple weeks. I asked who pursued who. He said she pursued him. I said what happened next. He said she invited him to come sit in her car to "chat". They kissed more. Then he says she hopped in the backseat and asked him to join her. He said THIS is the point he knew he was going to have sex with her, but not before. Idk how someone can be that stupid. All the signs were there before, if you ask me. How could he not see it? Am I crazy, here, or is he really lying to himself THAT much? I ask why he didn't stop it? Why didn't he just get out of the car and leave? Hes says, "Cuz, I wanted to see what it would be like." Okay...fml. This man has been with hundreds of women before me, right. I'm like..."REALLY???? How much vag does it take for you to know what it's like?" I've had enough to know what it's like! He also went as far to tell me that it felt "off" at first. That he didn't feel right about the fact that I wasn't there. That he was having fun and that he wanted me there to join too so we would share this experience together. he fkn kidding me? Really, I couldn't figure out if he was serious or deflecting or trying to manipulate me or what. He's said before that he didn't really think about me and the consequences, but that seems to differ, right?
These responses seemed so OFF to me. He said it wasn't a physical thing, that it was mental. Yet, he also told me before when I asked what was the appeal of this little girl, it was because she has a tiny waist and big booty. That seemed to me a very physical attraction. So much contradiction and holes in all the stories.
It tortures my mind to have these talks so I've stopped. For now, I don't want any more information and I don't even want to talk to him about this affair situation. I do still need to talk, but not with him.

I'm so lost on which way to go with this. I know I'm making progress, but this sh!t is just unreal sometimes. I mean how fkn reckless is "cuz i just wanted to see what it was like" to ruin our whole lives, possibly infect us with disease, lose jobs, lose money etc.
Some of you know my situation a bit more than others, what do y'all think? Is this one that can be saved? Is he really just that selfish and never saw it before? I feel hopeful some days, but [email protected] others I just wanna run like he[[.

I really appreciate you if you're still reading this and thank you all so much for the support!

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flowergirl75's picture
Nov 8

Thanks... I will never understand them either other then they are weak!

flowergirl75's picture
Nov 8

I honestly believe there never was a medical issue... it just happened to arise around the time things got sexual between them and I never once was with him directly when he spoke with any dr's, I was always in the waiting room or not there at all. It's hard work to be sneaky and cheat you know! Sad that the unreal amount of work some of these people put into their affairs could be put into strengthening a marriage.
I used to look up to his sister but after that comment, I see her differently. I wondered what type of advice she was giving him... her and multiple other people knew he was having an emotional affair early on.


I am sorry. I read all of these and compare them to my wife’s affair. The whole car thing is just how people cheat now a days and not have to hide the whole getting a hotel thing. I am sorry, but any time a car is involved I think it is part of the cheaters plan.


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