I am new to this group. But was searching for something like

I am new to this group. But was searching for something like this, a support group like this. I have read many of these comments this morning and my heart goes out to so many of you. Maybe I can be a support. And maybe I need support too. I’m in the early stages of all this. I discovered my wife was having an affair a month ago. I thought my world ended. She was everything to me and maybe that was too much. And I had no suspicions at all. It felt like my world ended that day. She had been seeing him for about 3 months. I am in the military, army reserves, so I leave home often. And she admitted to having him sleep in our bed which crushed me. She only revealed pieces of the truth bits at a time. A crumb here, an “I’m not really sure” there. I began to suspect more. She agreed to take a polygraph. This happened a week ago. I’m really not sure why she agreed. After the test she admitted to sleeping with 6 men over a year and 9 months. During that time frame I was gone a week here and a week there. For my military job. And during covid I was activated for 6 weeks to work with covid patients in Philadelphia. She admits she slept with one man 3 times during that. Now my life is about intrusive thoughts and taking trazadone since I can go days on days without sleeping. And my poor 5 yo wondering why “daddy’s always mad and mommy and daddy never used to fight “…I love my wife. And loving her is so painful now. I don’t know how to ever trust her again. She says she always loved me during all of it. And wants to work on things. She says she has no idea why she did it and didn’t really even enjoy it. We are both in individual counseling now. And also couples counseling. I fired the first guy who declared she had really no responsibility in any of this, and refused to use terms like choices, etc. Now we connected with a infidelity counseling specialist near Sacramento, via zoom. So far he seemed great. And my counselor is my lifeline. I have read probably 3 books already on all this. And have 3 more waiting. I would highly recommend this one book I am reading now. Some may find it helpful. “Transending Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder” (Dennis Ortman, PHD).

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Aug 10

It has been 5 and a half years since my husband betrayed me, and he still doesnt do the work at all. His excuse, reasons, bullshi# is " I don't know why I don't do any of it besides life and it just keeps getting over looked" my response is always to laugh at him because for 19 years I looked at him and thought I had the best guy in the world, the best peraon I knew, the most solid pwraon with incredible integrity I had ever seen, but now 24 years later I cant believe the liar I stare at. I look at him and laugh because how sis i never see how good of a liar he really is and how good at lying he is. But I always walk away still broken and it hurts every day. I found a website affairrecovery.com and that website has given me strength and hope and the necessary help to get up everyday and go through everyday which I know everyone on here knows exactly what I am saying. I just found this online support group the other day and believe it or not this has my husband concerned that I am meeting and talking with people that have been through what I have been through and I see the fear in his eyes. I try and tell him I am not him and would never do that like he did but he dont listen. Try checking out the website and if you subscribe to weekly news letters every Wednesday you will get an email that really helps and usually comes right when you need it. There really isnt anything I can say that will help besides Time! It just takes time, I'm not talking about how long before you an your spouse are good or a time line about when this will happen or that will happen but Time meaning everyday more and more you get stronger and stronger not that it goes away or doesn't but strong enough to deal and not hurt every waking moment. I wish you the very best and I hope you check out the website affairrecovery.com it really helps!

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Aug 14

@Jeff2021 sorry, been off a couple weeks, have to mutually “support” each other then you can message

Jeff2021's picture
Aug 15

@Joemail. I’ll figure it out and message you man. Thanks for reaching back out.

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