I am new here. And would like some advice on whether or not

I am new here. And would like some advice on whether or not I’m overreacting. My husband and I were having problems and he ran into an old high school friend. She offered a “listening ear” and advice on how to fix our marriage. The next day, he sent her red roses as a “thank you”. He didn’t tell me, but when I discovered them, he did not lie and admitted to it. He said they were just a “thank you”. I told him that red roses are the sign of a romantic interest. And he said that flowers don’t mean anything to him and that’s not what roses mean to him. He said it’s the “message and reason” they are being sent. I told him I’m sure she took it romantically bc they were red roses. And he said he didn’t think she could take a “thank you” as romantic since the card clearly said “thank you”. I don’t believe him. Ok yea he didn’t deny them, but come on, every guys knows what red roses mean right?! I’m outraged by this and most deff think he is into her. Which he denies over and over again. He says “she’s no where near my type. I was just being nice since she went out of her way to offer some help. If you knew how I feel about you you would understand I could never think of another girl that way.” My gut is telling me he is lying. While this isn’t physical, I deff think it’s suspicious. He says “I’m not going to lie to you and let you think that way about me when that’s not how it was.” Idk guys, am I overreacting?

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Apr 18

Firstly, as someone who studies the language of flowers, red roses DO mean passion and romantic interest. Hydrangeas or pink/peach roses are the flowers that mean gratitude.

But I also say this with the awareness that not everyone knows that. Red roses are also mass produced year long. Anytime I go grocery shopping, there's always a bouquet ready to purchase. So maybe he just grabbed a random pair, not really thinking about the kids of flowers they were? Not saying this to be mean or stereotypical, but most guys can sometimes be a little clueless when it comes to details.

Your feelings are absolutely valid because you're RIGHT, they DO have meaning. I'm not sure if he's actually cheating or showing interest, but he definitely should've listened to your concerns and how things look in your shoes.
Maybe try to calmly sit him down and talk about it with no hostility or accusations. Try something like: "I understand you were trying to do something nice for a friend, but please try to see how that looks to me and a bystander. Please be considerate of my feelings."

I hope things work out for you and we're here if you need to update our vent.

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FreeWill2Go's picture
Apr 19

Huge red flag! Definitely a huge red flag! That's crossing boundaries in so many ways, that I would be scared to be in his shoes. Either he's dumb, or he's trying to play it off like it's no big deal, and hoping that you overlook the incident. You don't send roses to a woman, regardless of the color, unless you have a romantic interest, especially red or pink roses. Every guy knows that, unless he was living under a rock during Valentine's Day every year.

If he wanted to express gratitude, he could have sent her a thank you greeting card, or put a Starbucks gift card inside of the greeting card as a way of saying thank you.

Stefgazeley's picture
Apr 19

When someone says they’re not lying it usually means they are.


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