This week's Brilliant New Topic: It is Thanksgiving next week y'all, where has the year gone???
November 19th, 2020

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I am married 20 years and my husband took pictures of his ex

I am married 20 years and my husband took pictures of his ex girlfriend and saved it (by mistake I am sure, uploaded with old pictures) to our shared Amazon photos account. I am really upset about this because...just why??? He obviously wanted them on his phone. He is very protective and secretive about his phone (won't share his passwords), his laptop, his computer, basically anything that has to do with me having access to his information. He believes in "privacy" but to me it feels secretive. I am generally not an insecure person but our marriage has always left me insecure.

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Leahzan's picture
[13250]
May 20

@Kas1966 Actually my husband had tons of responsibility for the kids. Getting them to practices, picking them up from day care. But, he had zero financial responsibility. He had a pretty cut and dry 8-5 job, no late nights, no late meetings. He stayed in that dead end job for 20 years with his income actually going backwards. But, I guess that dead end job allowed him to take 2 hour lunches without getting fired. It allowed him to disappear in the afternoon for a hotel meetup without anyone noticing. Because who would guess good ole reliable XXXX would lie about a medical appointment.

We had a role reversal in our marriage and he didn't feel appreciated. He felt I took advantage of him. But, one thing he didn't ever have to take responsibility for was financials. He didn't understand the stress I felt with the business merger I was shepherding through, or the impact of being laid off after going through that merger. I own my part in our marriages decline. I did take advantage of him. But nothing I did justified him repeatedly cheating on me and then later gaslighting me.

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I would say trust your instincts, you definitely have some signs there of at least cyber infidelity. People will treat you how you let them and you get to choose what you will live with. Praying for peace and wisdom in this. Sometimes it takes a wake up call for them to decide what they want and know whether they truly love you, but they may not choose you, so there's that risk. What do you want your life to be like? Hang in there, you are worth being treated right. <3

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beth65's picture
[36805]
May 24

Hiding the phone is why I ultimately left. He doesn't need that kind of privacy with his wife.

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