I am in the divorce process now after waiting for 8 months t

I am in the divorce process now after waiting for 8 months to see how does my spouse treats the topic of cheating. Unfortunately the only way my spouse see's is to blame me for her affairs and keeps pushing me towards couple's therapy to address my issues so that she does not fall in the trap of infidelity. This clear understanding of where she stands made it clear that I have to part ways with her. Still hurts, every now and then I have pick myself up from the ground, rebuild my esteem and step out in the world with a shaky belief that every thing will be ok sometime in the future. Sorry folks just venting today, nothing else seems to be helping me to get-up and move on with my day.

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Leahzan's picture
(23610)
Jun 22

@raviprgti I completely understand taking on all the burdens of providing for the family. In my case, I'm the mother and the primary (not sole) breadwinner. But, I was solely responsible for setting forth the terms of the divorce, paying child support, and buying him out of my house. It felt like salt on the wounds, while I was providing for the family he was cheating on me and spending money on other women, and now that we divorced I have to write him a huge check and then pay him money every month. I held alot of bitterness about that. Some still lingers, but I'm a happier person now without him, so it was worth the price. My oldest daughter was furious at her father. She learned of the cheating before me and read some awful messages that he wrote to women. But, now we are over two years since that discovery and she doesn't really care about that much anymore. She got over it and rebuilt her relationship earlier than I was able to accept it. It was hard for me to watch even though I knew the very best thing for both of my kids was to have a good relationship with both of us. But, secretly I wanted her to hate her father. Only you can build that relationship up with your daughter. I'd focus on trying to find one-on-one time with her. Setting the expectation that you'll continue to see her regularly and be there for her regularly. Don't be passive and wait for her, but instead go to her, make plans, do things she likes, meet her on her level. Teenagers are tough even when there isn't a divorce.

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(640)
Jun 23

@Leahzan I understand everything that you said. I know what it is the right thing to do. Things are a bit more complicated than ,for a lack of a better word, usual case of infidelity. I am dealing with my spouse who most likely has BPD. She grew up with a typical Narcissistic father and brother. I have also seen first hand how my brother in law, now divorced, used to sweet talk his kids to dislike their mom. I used to protect my daughter whenever she used to visit her maternal grandparents. Now I spend anxious days when my daughter visit them and hope she does not hate me for choosing to separate from her mother. I am just trying to adjust and accept the situation and it is hitting me harder than I thought it would

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(640)
Jun 23

@jamiemaddrox2020 I do not know the answers but I just hope that kids at some point understand our choices

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