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I am a 32 year old who just found out that my husband of 12

Camogirl32's picture

I am a 32 year old who just found out that my husband of 12 years is having yet another affair. This makes 12 in 12 years (some of them were more then one at once). We have 3 young kids (all under the age of 12). He says he wants to make things work again but yet he has been living at his moms for almost a month and doesn’t really come see the kids or me. I feel so alone because I don’t have any friends and our families are staying out of it. I feel so damaged and broken that I am willing to stay because I don’t see how someone would ever want someone with 3 kids and a failed marriage. I feel like I failed my kids and my husband even though I wasn’t the one that cheated. Any advice at all would be great. Feeling all alone really sucks.

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Crystal1979's picture
May 18

I feel your pain I’m in almost same situation been married 16 yrs and have 3 kids under 14. I took him back after being separated for 3 months last year. I felt the reason to take him back was because of my kids and house and finances. It put me into a depression and I lost interest in everything and lost 30 pounds in a couple months. When we got back together I thought everything was great and tried to forgive him. Almost everyday I thought about his affair. After about 6 months of getting back he started to be different and I immediately assumed he’s corresponding with her again. He put my mind at ease with his charm again and all went back to normal for a while. I went through his phone a couple of nights ago didn’t find much but in her letters to him before she would give him advice on how to hide everything from me. The only thing I found is she etransfered money in to his account $1000! Around the same time I was suspecting he’s cheating again. This was two months ago. Now I don’t know what to do if I say something he will obviously lie and make big excuse that he needed the money and she lent it to him and he hasn’t talked to her since. I’m sure of this. We recently added all bills to our mortgage. I’m scared he will leave me for her eventually and I won’t have a penny left from the house now. I feel like I deserve this for taking him back. She’s also married and he told me she needs another year to leave her husband. What if in a year I’ll have nothing left. Long story short I believe if you have the strength leave him. Otherwise you will always be in suspense and never truly happy. I’m going to try do more investigating and if I find out it’s more then just lending money. This time I’ll be truly gone even though I’ll have nothing left and my kids might blame me. Sorry we have to be going through this.

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May 18

@Camogirl32 I cant blame you, I really cant. I went through the same things except mine were, who wants a high school drop out. I got lucky and found a career because I can fix things. I dont read, I dont travel. My only problem was I had no confidence. Once I felt better about myself is when my confidence came back. I did something that made me feel good about me. I'm glad I did. I walk with my head high and my chest out. All you gotta do is say screw this, I'm not going to let this beat me. Then do something about it. I hope I've helped. This sucks.

May 28

I know that you're hurting and scared. I became a single mom of three young children when I was 29. It hasn't been easy, but we've been okay. If your husband is serious about saving your marriage and that's what you want, then there are going to have to be some requirements put in place like counseling and complete transparency about his contacts and whereabouts. I've known couples who have made it through this kind of thing, but it isn't easy. It takes time and work. Definitely don't try to deal with this on your own. Talk to someone...a friend, a counselor , a minister...someone who can listen to you and help walk you through this difficult time. I'm so sorry.


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