I’m truly broken, I found out back In February my husband

I’m truly broken, I found out back In February my husband of 20 years 27 years together had been having an affair with a colleague. I woke up one morning to find a video off her on his phone. I asked him about it he said it was just messages which I foolishly believed. She then text me 4 weeks later and told me the had slept together twice.
We have decided to try and make our marriage work as I love him with all my heart and he has been remorseful and told me he loves me immensely too and has had no contact with her since. We have had counselling which has helped. But the pain I am living with everyday is unbearable. I constantly get images of them together and see all the messages he sent to her which she forwarded to me. Any advice On How to deal with this immense heartache. I really want to move forward but the pain is killing me.

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devastatedinptbo's picture
Nov 24

@Millie2001 this is the hard part, understanding that it wasn’t about her or about you, it was about him. Emotionally immature people seek that external validation from the attention of others to feel good enough because deep down they are very insecure and instead of doing the self work to make choices that build their self confidence, they take the easy road by allowing the attention of someone else to temporarily boost their ego. He needs to dig deep in therapy and understand why he needed that external validation and what choices he should make going forward to learn how to address those deep rooted insecurities in a healthier way. Lots of people are not good at making themselves vulnerable and communicating those vulnerabilities to the people that matter to them.

Nov 24

You speak so much sense...he has told me this himself it was all about him and it making him feel good. it’s just one of them thing where you think this only happens to other people. I felt so safe and loved in our marriage, now everything just feels alien. The man I have known since I was 17 I feel I don’t know any more. I just don’t understand. Thankyou so much for your support it really helps xx

KidDJ's picture
Nov 25

So sorry about this. Any updates of your progress?

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