This week's Brilliant New Topic: It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!
December 3rd, 2020

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How do you stay with your wife after she was unfaithful? I j

How do you stay with your wife after she was unfaithful? I just don't see how Im going to get past this. She is doing all the work necessary to prove to me her brief affair was a horrible decision. She is extremely remorseful, I just can't get past it. She wants my old self back again so badly. She is trying to have laughs, conversations, good times like we used to. I do too, but I just can't laugh or talk to her the way I used to. Every time I see her having a great time with the kids or trying to have a great time with me, the first thing that pops in to my mind is her affair. How could she, why would she, etc.

Is this going to be my story for the rest of my life? In all honesty, I am not a very forgiving person. Not for something like this. Yes, we all are sinners and weak, but come on! This is a big deal and I am not sure I am equipped to move on from this. She wants to so bad, the kids would be destroyed if we split, and honestly I dont know if I will be happy either way, with her or without.

I guess I have issues to figure out...

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[160]
Nov 18

MDMermaid, well i hear ya, for me her affair was 2 1/2 years in March will mark the tow year mark since i found out, i know it will take time, and i have voiced this to her, it will not go away tomorrow. She is working hard, but the visions are there, and the crushed feelings are still their, anger, and yes i am embarrassed and humiliated also. I am glad only 2 of our Friends know about this. As time passes its not as bad, But I know there are people out there(her lovers wife and friends)hate her, and talk bad about her, and it bothers me.But i will protect her from them as we work on us. I know like all of us this will be a nasty stain on our marriage, but we can go forward. When i feel anxiety coming on i work out, so on the bright side i am in the best shape of my life LOL. And yes our fights are not fights as much as a discussion, if it gets heated we take a break. If you get a chance look at the Gottman institute they have Great resources on this subject. Sign up for there free blogs i recommend it. this has changed me a lot
most i like, some i do not. But i am a better person, and i believe she is also. God Bless My Friend

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[1380]
Nov 24

I am at just under 2 years and from time time to haunting images still rear their ugly head. There is still days of poor weather that affect me greatly (long part of the story i'm going to go into). There is still songs that stir great emotion, or movies and shows that bring up painful memories. I don't know if these things will ever truly go away or just come up less and less but the choice my wife and I made was to continue this journey together and so figuring out a new normal, trudging trough the bad moments and enjoying the good ones is what we will do for now. I hope if gives you so solace that most of these things do start to turn into bad moments and hours than weeks and days however. I hope you find peace and figure out a new normal soon. May God bless you.

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[475]
Nov 24

At one month it was unbearable but I got an online counselor and she helped me steer thoughts away from my fixation on the affair (which was bad and longterm and we had a newborn) Year one, it was much better but I still thought about it. Now at year three it is a thought once in a while but we are closer than ever and he is very honest with me about his whereabouts. He knows he has to be. I also had a GPS app on him, but I don't use it anymore even though I can.

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