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Hi, this is hard. My husband has been having an emotional af

Hi, this is hard. My husband has been having an emotional affair w/a co-worker for over a year. They finally stopped texting outside of work recently, however they still see each other at work every day and he collaborates w/her (even though he doesn't have to) and interacts with her. This piece he is not willing to stop because he says it's professional. He is sorry he hurt me but does not seem overly remorseful and still seems to be grieving the friendship outside of work. He and I have not reconnected emotionally. We spend time together but it isn't the same. We are each in therapy but I'm wondering what more I can do without being controlling. Being patient and being okay with the current status for him at work is extremely difficult. Thanks for any thoughts or advice.

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Oct 22

I hope I don't seem biased. It's just that my husband continues his emotional phone affairs, even as we speak. It's only since he started doing this, his attitude towards me changed for the worst. Now I can't do anything right in his book. So I'm separating. I hope it doesn't come to that for you though.

Oct 22

I'm sorry but an emotional affair is the same as a physical one. If your husband had a physical affair with someone at work then you would expect him (or her) to find another job, it should be the same for an emotional affair. He needs to show you true remorse along with showing you that he is willing to do anything to make the situation better for you even if that means he needs to find another job. You were not the one who created this situation, he did. You are not controlling for wanting to put your marriage back together. It's a hard road that you're willing to journey down if he's willing to also go on the same path. There will be struggles, job changes, counseling, honest communication, full transparency. If he's not willing to do any of that then his concern is not for his marriage but only for himself. Unfortunately, marriage is about self-sacrifice and putting others first, he needs to consider that. The only advice I can give is to let him know that you are truly not comfortable with the work situation, that you don't feel like you and he are able to build any sort of trust and get the marriage back on track as long as she is in the picture. All ties with her need to be cut. This needs to be communicated rationally and if he suggests that you're being controlling, dramatic or anything other than genuine then you just need to remind him that he was the one who put you all in this situation and now he needs to do whatever it takes to get out of it. By doing that you'll know how truly remorseful he is about what he's done.

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Marlene1105's picture
Oct 22

GREAT advise/post bactonormal!


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