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Hi i joined this page after a year of feeling alone and not

Hi i joined this page after a year of feeling alone and not wanting to talk about my situation with family and friends as i don't want to feel as that's the only thing we can talk about when we get together. I didn't know there was such a thing as an online suoport group and since being on here I think 4 or 5 days now, I can honestly say I just feel better knowing that everyone is here to help and encourage each other as we have all been through the betrayal of an unfaithful spuse/partner and...it's a good place to have a rant! and to get out whatever is in our heads at the time.
My husband had a 9 year affair in our 11 year marriage and 1 year on, I find that I'm feeling worse today then I did when i found out. I think at the time i was in complete shock and just numb. She was a friend of his and then we had become friends. During the time of the affair she had children and to learn that 1 of them is my husband's makes me sob every single day. We also had children in that time. The hardest thing for me that constantly goes on in my head is...how the hell did you just keep lying to me all those years? And how stupid was i to not even suspect a thing?! The fact that they were in a full on relationship, as if they were married to each other makes me so sick. It wasn't even an 'on one year off one year' or sporadic affair, they were in full contact the whole time. Full on seeing each other. The nature of his job allowed him to do that so i didn't suspect a thing. I think thats why its harder for me now because as time progresses, i learn more and more about the affair and what actually took place and looking back I can now see things that i didnt see or realize at the time eg..he had a long strand of hair on his shirt when he came home from work one day and he doesnt work with females. I asked him about it and he said he has no idea and i thought true..bcos where would that have come from..so i thought nothing of it. I had so much trust in him that i would never ever check his phone or check up on where he was as i didn't feel the need to. We are still together. For me it's for the children and for him he has totally f'd up and wants our family to be together and doesn't wnt to be without me or the kids. He is doing everything right. Going over and beyond and trying his absolute best from the moment he wakes up to going to bed..he is doing everything right. Checks in with me himself and tells me everyday how sorry he is and how much he has stuffed up and is trying to make up for it. But I still..cannot..believe it! And feel its too late. Cant make up time that was lost and our whole marriage feels like it was all a big fat lie. Thank God i love myself and know that i have self worth and that i have beautiful children that give me purpose everyday

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Zoey91015's picture
[430]
May 25

@TooTrusting im getting there. Thank you

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msbert828's picture
[1005]
May 25

@Kas1966 That's just it tho...he swears he's told me everything, then out of the blue, I find out more details. I just found out last week that he had asked an old friend of mine (who is a lesbian, btw) to meet him at a hotel. We weren't in contact at the time, so she told him to f*** off and dropped it. We have reconnected since then, and she told me about it. When I asked him about it, he looked like a deer in headlights, thinking that would be one secret he would never have to reveal. Smh. So, I'm not sure I'll ever know if the lies have stopped or not...

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Kas1966's picture
[128720]
May 25

@msbert828 yes not cool

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