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Hi all, I’m new to this support group thing. I just rea

[165]

Hi all,

I’m new to this support group thing. I just really need to vent and I feel my friends are tired of hearing the same **it over and over... My boyfriend and I have been together for about 15 year, we’re only 33. He’s all I’ve ever known and loved. But it’s been on and off, we have two kids together and he had another two kids with other women. Our kids are 13 & 10, his other two are 13 & 10 so obviously his cheating has been going on for almost our full relationship. Every time I take him back I swear it’s the last time but then it happens again, we split up, he begs me to take him back and I do. A couple of months ago I found out I have HPV, I talked to him and begged for him to take my health into consideration and asked him to pleased choose. If he can’t be faithful then he be honest with himself and leave the relationship. He told me he could be faithful and he loved me and would never want anything to happen to me. I’ve had that “feeling” for a few weeks so I decided to get a GPS tracker, yesterday he left work early and was at some apartments for an hour and a half. I guess I saw it coming but now I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why I keep taking him back. I am going to keep the gps on for now but what am I going to do when he keeps going there? Am I going to stalk him to see what apartment he goes to? Am I going to confront him there? Will I just do it quietly at home? I’m so fed up but I don’t know what to do. Yes, I know I’m doing this to myself because I have taken him back. I just don’t know why I can’t let him go. I guess because I’m afraid of being alone and that no one else will be interested in me (I’m not good looking and I’m fat). UGH idk... anyone else in a similar situation? Why do you stay?

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devastatedinptbo's picture
[82205]
Nov 22

@Fedup316 Words are meaningless now, it’s his actions that count. He’s not cheating because he doesn’t care about you or want you in his life, he’s cheating to fill some void in himself that he’s not taking personal responsibility for. He’s expecting someone or some relationship to make him feel fulfilled or happy or whatever... it’s just a distraction or way of procrastinating dealing with the real issues within himself that he isn’t. He’s using all of you to lift himself up, without consideration of the consequences to you. It’s abuse. Maybe he’s not lived up to his potential career wise, because he really hasn’t put in the kind of effort he should have, but he doesn’t want to admit that to himself and make changes in the way way he lives his life and do the hard work to be better. Maybe he has some deep rooted insecurities about himself that he hasn’t dealt with and the attention from these other women gives his ego a temporary boost... whatever the reason, it’s his. He has to deal with it. You need to focus on yourself and doing the things that make you feel good about yourself and your life. Don’t let his problems and issues pull you down. Own your own life.

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devastatedinptbo's picture
[82205]
Nov 22

If you haven’t yet read the book Leave a Cheater Gain a Life by Tracy Schorn. This is her website: www.thechumplady.com
It has lots of good advice whether you hope to stay with your spouse and rebuild or whether you are leaving.

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[165]
Nov 22

@devastatedinptbo
Thank you for the insight. I will definitely look the book up.

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