Hello, I have been married for 7 years. I have not been the

Hello, I have been married for 7 years. I have not been the best wife. I didnt have sex on our wedding night. I could literally count the number of times a month we had sex. There have been some months where I didn't have sex at all. I didn't always cook or clean. Just pure laziness I guess. A month ago I went through my husband's phone and saw messages where he had been flirting with several ladies . I also found out that he has a now 9 month old child. I pack my 4year old and my things and left for a few days. I text all the females including the baby mama. She told me all kinds of things..how she had fallen in love and he didn't tell her she was married etc. My husband had my son around her bc he taking her to therapy he was in his mind helping her. She had been to my apartment. My husband has always been the one to be honest when he's telling me things. I found out that they messed around a handful of times, that they didn't go on dates, and she knew he was married. She seduced him. Basically she was trying to get a reaction out of me. I have my good and bad day, my days where I think about the messages. He didn't see the child much bc he was trying to hide it from me and his family. One day she sent my husband a long message (he let me read the message)about how my husband wasn't around the child and how he only cared about himself and saving his marriage. Yesterday was the first time that WE got the child . This was my first time seeing her Everything was going well. I told my husband that she needed to bring the child down bc I didn't want him at her door. She brought the child down and say to me good morning how are you? I put my hand up and I think I said hey. I interacted with the child a little. Then we took the child to my husband's mother so she could see the child. He told the baby mama to pick the child up from there since she worked close by. My husband told my mother in law and I that was going to picked the child up there like 5 mins before she arrived. The next thing we knew there was a knock on the door and it was her. She came inside and asked " How was yall day with with him." I didnt say a word. My husband didn't think k she would come to the door. I felt like she should of called or text and said she was outside instead of coming to the door.in the beginning she told my husband she couldn't get pregnant and once she said she was my husband bought her a morning after pill, she said she took it but she didn't. He also got a DNA test done. My husband told me that she told me all that stuff bc she wanted me out of the picture. I told my husband this morning that she has what she want( him spending time with the child) my husband said that she didn't have him. He said that her actions showed that she wanted him. I guess she thought if she would have his baby then he would be with her. She did somethings that my husband wasn't getting at home. He said it was lust. The affair has been about a 1 1/2 ago. He said he hasn't messed with her since then. In one if the messages I guess it last month she asked him if he would come over and make love to her. He told her once i left for the weekend he would. He said he told her he wasn't going to come. I asked why did he tell her he would. He said he was just messing with her mind. Has anyone been through something like this? What did you do? I want to be with him, but then yesterday after that I felt my pain come back. We have been working on areas of our marriage since this and he had shown improvements. He has told me that he doesn't want her. I apologize for being all over the place.

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Leahzan's picture
Apr 1

@Chimereta I had to go to three doctor's appointments to get the wide range of STD tests. I would be in tears, but then by the time I went to the phlebotomist to have the blood drawn I was back to my "screw him" mode and told everyone exactly why I was there and all the awful stuff he had done. It was oddly relieving to air all that dirty laundry to strangers. I got nothing but incredible support. So, I don't feel embarrassed anymore except for choosing him as a husband to begin with. I've been honest with just about everyone and it has really helped me lose any feelings of shame or embarrassment. I'm not the one who should feel it, he is.

Chimereta's picture
Apr 3

@Leahzan. Thanks for sharing that. I did go yesterday and was in tears. The nurse was so empathetic it took the embarrassment out of it. So far so good and she said it was a good thing I was being cautious. These cheaters just have no idea how much of a trickle effect their stupidity of cheating causes. Putting health at risk, hurting families. All for their stupid moment of pleasure.

Apr 7

@Myfeelings1 then perhaps he wasn't making it worth our while and that is a conversation that you two should have. If you are using your body simply as a means for him to use on demand, then that needs to be addressed.


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