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Hello group...I am at a lost. I posted a few weeks ago. I fo

Hello group...I am at a lost. I posted a few weeks ago. I found out this past week that my husband had an affair with a 29 year old. He is 53. I found out this fling occurred in 2016. He travels overseas often and the affair was with the hotel clerk. I suspected something at that time and confirmed that there was nites out to the movies. He stated he was helping to "mentor" her with career choices and there was nothing to this "relationship". Flash forward to 2018 and the aching feeling that would not leave me. I got a hold of his phone and saw that they were still communicating. She no longer works in the hotel nor does she live in that country anymore. She returned home to India. In the text I read the other day..i saw pictures of the two of them...text reminiscing about nites she spent the night etc. He purchased gifts for her and and had date nites. When he traveled there he was always there from 7 to 10 days. He would visit there every two months. Stupid me told him he had to stop communicating with her and he stated he would. Well he called and she didnt answer. I ended up texting her (i know i should not have) and she stated there was nothing goin on now. She stated that at one time there was BUT she thought he was separated and he said he lived in the house and wouldnt move because of our children. Our children are 20 and 21. Then she went on to call me insecure for SNOOPING in his phone and too bad he didnt respect me or that I was not strong enough to command respect. I am very numb and dont know what to do. He says she is lying about some of the things. He says he is sorry and wants to go to counseling. I dont know what to do!

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Mainegenie's picture
[3850]
Apr 21

@flowergirl75 I am sorry you have had to experience this. The pain is very real which is why you exploded 2.5 months later. It was building and you were suppressing the anger. I am a guy with a wife who did this to me and I still have outbursts. I have outburst because my wife will not discuss it and it builds in me. I am proud you for going into therapy. Continue to do so. My health insurance provides for unlimited visits and I hope yours does as well. Remember you did nothing wrong. Your H was responsible for communicating his feelings that led to his affair. He was selfish. Remember to never forget what he has done to you; forgiving is much different and maybe years away. Above all else, look out for yourself and hopefully you can heal; it will take time. I am betting your heart was ripped right out of your body. In time forgive yourself so you can move on and be happy in your own way and maybe without him. Forgive yourself sounds awkward but it means letting go of the pain but not forgetting. Make sure his bad behavior stops or you regret it and he will walk over you. Remain safe physically and emotionally. Keep posting. Contacting the OW will only lead to problems you cannot handle. The OW has her own problems and yes OW can be bad, very bad in her own way. Stay away and work on your own feelings and healing. I am proud of you stay with it, Maingenie

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Mainegenie's picture
[3850]
Apr 21

@flowergirl75 Hi flowergirl. I sent you and e-mail on your situation and I wanted to follow-up as a reminder to everyone that we should not put ALL men into a basket and pass judgement and neither should we do that with women. All stand on their own individually. Men and women just have the same actions but for different reasons. There are some very honest loving women out there and then there is not and the same can be said for men; not all men are bad at all, most very loving of their wives. What is different is how we as individuals deal with ourselves and and the situation we are in. Again the OW in your life does not need to be there. It was your H that should take full responsibility for HIS actions. Mainegenie

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Ann0413's picture
[105]
Apr 21

I’m very sorry you have to deal with this. You don’t deserve this treatment. Ultimately you have to do what you feel is right for you. If you can forgive him and go to counseling than go for it. If you can’t get past what happened and know you won’t ever want to trust him then don’t waste your time. Hope this helps. Good luck!

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