Hello, everyone. Where to begin? She cheated on me. I ne

Hello, everyone.

Where to begin? She cheated on me. I never expected this from her.

It all happened in under a day. She made an online social media account, a guy messaged her, and she was off to meet him.

I know this sounds crazy but I felt the moment she slept with them. She was out of the house a total of 43min and I absolutely felt it.

When she returned she lied about her whereabouts but he phone lit up with texts. It was the guy. She never admitted it. Supposedly because she was ashamed. But as I was talking to him through her phone, as if I was her, I learned everything. EVERYTHING. Every gory little detail.

It’s been a month and I still feel the pain so raw.

The reason I’m here is because I’m frustrated. I cannot get the answers to the questions I am looking for. She has blamed me, her ovulation that day(she hasn’t in 2yrs due to pregnancy), and just “being stupid.” I don’t know what to believe.

She told me that during the short lived event(s), she was only “sampling”(her words, not mine) to see if she “still felt something” for me. To see if there was a spark with this other person. And supposedly after 3 minutes of actual sex, and not foreplay, she came to the realization that she didn’t want to continue doing it. I can confirm that the whole event(s) was quick and rushed. But I cannot confirm her description of it.

First because she has lied so much now. And second because now she’s really going with the ovulation excuse... I ask, “So if it was ovulation, then that can’t mean you weren’t enjoying it as you say.” She literally refused to answer. I told her that because of her lies, which have been very prevalent but mostly small lies about miniscule things, I want a polygraph for her.

She has no problem telling me her version of events but seemed to get a little defensive when the prospect of putting it to the test with a polygraph.

She definitely wants to be with me. She and I have begun counseling. But I just want the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And I hate to feel like I’m badgering her. So I rather just do something like a lie detector test(I have a contact that can administer one) and see if she’s being honest.

I also don’t understand the ovulation thing. If that’s true why someone else and not just me?

I don’t know what to believe and I feel like maybe this is all too much. I don’t want to have a retaliatory affair but... I do want to have someone of the opposite sex to talk to and try to heal. I know that sounds bad but... keeping my dog(heart) in this fight seems very painful at the moment. Literally hurts more than the death of a loved one as that is expected, so the blow is softened. I never expected this.

Thanks for reading.

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Oct 16

So after weeks of dealing with all this she finally dropped the ovulation talk.

She took me to our white board and broke it all down.

She believes she had Post Partum Depression.

She believes that lead to her feeling like she’s worthless, etc.

And that feeling lead her to feel as if she is inadequate. She admits that all this was in her head and she wallowed in it.

She admits that she should’ve come to me with these concerns but put it in her head that she could not come to talk to me about these feelings. I don’t remember why she said that. (Maybe cause of my crappy memory, lol)

And that lead to the creation of a social media account. Which lead to someone reaching out. Which lead to her meeting. Which she was all for until genitals were exposed. And then the whole ordeal lost its charm. She had a conflict inside. One part saying, “This is wrong. And I want to go home.” And another saying, “Just try it and see if you feel better.”

In the end she gathered the courage to stop. Not going to get into why it took courage.

Much more painful than “it was ovulation” but sounds less like a lie. And that’s a start, right?

P.S. Counseling is helping. Intrusive thoughts not so much.

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Leahzan's picture
Oct 16

@Stallion That is a great breakthrough. One I can even relate to. The truth is always harder and more painful, but necessary for healing (you and her).

Oct 17

I'm glad you got a more honest explanation. When trust is broken, the additional lies just add insult to injury. You deserved to not be lied to anymore. Good for you for refusing to accept what you knew did not make sense.

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