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Hello everyone I am new here and really looking for support.

Ashin's picture
[55]

Hello everyone I am new here and really looking for support. I have been with my boyfriend, once husband for over 10 years. I suffer from bipolar, anxiety as well as depression. When I was first diagnosed he didn’t take it seriously so it put a big strain on our relationship. I moved out once because I just couldn’t deal with the fighting over the fact that I was in my head and not in the relationship. I moved back home after 6 months. About 2 years later I had a manic episode, wasn’t on the correct meds, and left him for a week. I came home and shortly after we were married. Things were ok but I still struggled with my illness. He had a lot of narcissism in him and beat me down emotionally all the time. I left for the 3rd time and actually divorce him. We spent a year apart and I missed him terribly. We got back together this last November and he was so kind and attentive and had gone through counseling and so understanding of my mental issues, I moved back home and thought everything was great. Out of nowhere the day after my birthday in May he told me he didn’t love me, our relationship, he considered for years, has been over. He was with me out of guilt, I had treated him so badly over the years due to my “illness” that i wasted his life. I kept him from living it, I never loved him, I only wanted what he could provide and therefore used him. Well a week later his birthday came and he said he couldn’t be near me because he had bad memories and needed to be alone and left town. He comes home the next day in the afternoon happy as can be and promptly leaves to hangout with “Josh” who he has never mentioned. He left his tablet unlocked, all of his electronics are locked from me. I find an email to a women about finding her an apartment While paying for it and being with her on his birthday. I confront him and he admits he was with friends and a girl that’s a friend bought him a suite and nothing happened. And I get no explanation. I also found out his phone number was the backup for her password and his other bank account, I had no access to was her email account nickname. He volunteers to put for me to mover out and he finds me an apartment in 2 days. It’s been 3 weeks and I am constantly crying, I have no friends or family. I am utterly alone. He said he’d “be there” and he only texts when he’s at work then goes silent when he gets off, which I know is because he’s with her. Every time I have seen him since which hasn’t been much he just brings more of my things over i confront him and he says I am being emotional or looking for reasons why but it’s because I treated him so bad and he just can’t be around me. And he said even if he left me to be with someone else it’s justified because I treated him like crap for so long. He just won’t tell the truth. I am so distraught, heart broken and I don’t know what to do with myself. He has no remorse, we were together 10 years and now he says it was a waste of time and he never loved me. I just don’t understand. At this point I love him, and it hurts so bad I’m crying writing this. I just don’t understand it. I realize I did leave him 3 times but we have had issues with him virtual cheating once and almost cheating once as well. I’m just lost and upset he’s so happy and could just move on so quickly. I forgot to mention he purged himself of everything we bought together and all of the photos of us her put in my boxes without saying anything. He got rid of the microwave, washer and dryer things like that. And the house we have lived in now suddenly he is fixing up to sell.

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justamomof2's picture
[3785]
Jun 29

I am so so sorry that you are having to go through this-I truly am. I know your heart is breaking and you feel unloved and unimportant. Have you considered counseling for yourself, to heal and recover and get back on your feet? Please post back and let us know how you are doing.

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Ashin's picture
[55]
Jun 29

Thank you. I am currently looking for a counselor to help me process this. It’s just that it came out of nowhere as he has acted totally normal up until about a week before he dropped all of this on me. Still saying “I love you” and everything. I feel like I spend all of my free time sad and crying when I should just feel angry and be thankful but I just can’t. I just feel so heartbroken and betrayed.

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