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Hello, also new here. I just wanted to share my story and ho

Hello, also new here. I just wanted to share my story and hopefully get some good feedback. Found out my wife was cheating on me just about 3 months ago now. She has denied it after I asked her about a picture I found and we haven't had the real talk just yet. I have more than enough proof at this point that she cannot deny anything. I don't understand how she can think that I don't know anything at this point, she has gotten better about covering her tracks since we have had mini conversations of trying to get the truth. We have been married five years and together for seven. The affair has been going on for eight months now. I am curious to know how to best be prepared for this terribly uncomfortable and life changing talk. I have read and read about how to approach this, but would also like to hear other people's experiences and any advice that you all have to offer in this difficult time. Thank you!

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[190]
Oct 17

@hap I don't see myself staying.

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[3605]
Oct 18

I got the book after seeing it suggested here and also almost done with it. The thing is, and I said this in another post, you don't have to have sex to be cheating. Betrayal comes in many forms. My husband was hiding stuff from me, password protected his phone so I couldn't get angry at whatever he was saying and to whom. I can't stand secrets. Which before I knew he was doing stuff behind my back I never thought to look at his phone. But after, I wanted transparency. I never got it, also did not get my health taken seriously, did not get cherished, the five love languages? forget him wanting to participate. Anything he did was begrudgingly and after I harped on it. I felt like I had to fight to get any kind of true love and compassion, and finally I left. After I left he told me he had been talking to another woman for a couple of months and that she accepted him as he is. I still offered reconciliation many times after that but he said he was not willing to change. Chumplady points out that they want to cheat on you and still keep you. I think you can fill in the verb "cheat" with other verbs of things they want to do and still keep you. That is not the kind of marriage I want. However I I do know a unicorn couple who suffered through infidelity, she even had a heart attack because of it. And now they have an amazing relationship; after about 6 months of separation he changed his ways completely and to this day many years later doesn't do anything without checking in with her. She made it clear from the beginning she was not putting up with infidelity and neither am I. And I know for certain if he did that again she would leave for good. (fool me once...)

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[3605]
Oct 18

However I will also say that it did change their relationship dynamic and she won't let herself get to that point again where he can hurt her like that.

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