Has anyone in this group made it past D day for more than 4

Has anyone in this group made it past D day for more than 4 years and stayed in their marriage?
I am at 5 1/2 years and just need to hear from others that have made it this far. Thank you!

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StepbyStep2016's picture
[36040]
Aug 29

@Ceciliamcd We take time once a week to talk just about us, about how we feel and what is really going on. We started doing that in recovery and although it was initially hard (we couldn't talk for long before getting frustrated) we got stronger and stronger.

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StepbyStep2016's picture
[36040]
Aug 29

@devastatedinptbo We also play open cards on everything, I have full access to all my wife's social media, computer, phone etc. Simply put we believe nothing is off limits as secrets breed more secrets

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[26990]
Aug 29

@worldofhurt5 mine was a similar experience in that OW was one of my closest friends. At least ONE of the OW (there were many over 15 years, but she was the first, and apparently the one true emotional and sexual OW). For 6 years following that affair, OW and I were still best of friends while her and my H had ended their sexual affair but still communicated behind my back. It totally shattered our social life as well. Two other couples who were part of our circle did stick w us (in part because both the women felt they had noticed OW making moves on their H's as well), but things have never been the same. There is an awkwardness (at least on my part) that I don't think will ever go away. My H wrote letters apologizing to these couples for messing up our friendships and hurting me, and that helped. But what's done is done, and can never be undone. That double betrayal is a tough one. While we are 2.5 years past dday and after much therapy have a healthier and happier relationship, my wound from OW is never healed. And the fact that she lives around the corner doesn't help. She was defiantly unapologetic and I will never understand that. In fact, when I first started to fear my marriage was in trouble, she was the person I chose to open up to - something I had never done before, since I am a very private person. I told her that there was no way another woman was involved because my H would never do that. The sting of that humiliation lingers w me to this day. I don't know that it will ever pass. So I totally get you. I try to focus on my marriage and to remind myself that she is alone while we still have each other. H is beyond remorseful and embarrassed and has done a lot to repair himself and us, which is why we are together.

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