Has anyone ever actually gotten an answer to why? It’s bee

Has anyone ever actually gotten an answer to why? It’s been almost two weeks since finding out. It’s still so difficult and I just don’t understand how after being together 7 years he could do this to me. Has anyone heard about being bipolar having a reason or cause on infidelity? When did you guys start to notice the pain ease up?

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My husband said he was unfaithful because he felt unloved & unwanted by me. Which is sad. So of course, I blamed myself. But after years of therapy I found out that cheating is a choice. No one can make you cheat. So that if my husband truly felt this way-then he needed to communicate that to me. I did communicate to him on many occasions that I had felt a disconnection from him-& asked if he would consider going to therapy with me. He told me no. He said that he wasn’t going to go sit in front of some stranger & talk about our marital problems. I was juggling 3 children under the age of 3 at the time…our youngest was only a few months old. I was really consumed with trying to be a mother to my children that I really didn’t push the issue like I should have. I should have insisted that we either went to therapy or else. I had told him that I thought our marriage was dissolving before our very eyes…and that we would soon be headed for divorce. That didn’t seem to phase him. As his affair continued on for over a year. I’m not going to lie…I picked up on stuff here & there & had my suspicions…but I never wanted to face the reality of finding out, so I tried really hard to not investigate further. It wasn’t until I received an anonymous letter in the mail that confirmed everything that I was pretty confident that I already knew. 10 years later…& I’m finally ready to file for divorce. In my situation I could never really forgive him & let it go. Although, I did try…and he did try in the beginning as well, but just when we start to move forward I always end up taking 10 steps back. I still til this day have triggers of the affair-along with nightmares. I really stayed this long for all the wrong reasons. One being because I wanted to be a “happy family” & have my children grow up in an environment with both parents present. They were soo young at the time…that I wasn’t wanting to share them on weekends & holidays. But now that my children are getting older & more & more independent-I feel like I can finally feel ok with letting that feeling of sharing them go.

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I would also like to add that after years of therapy I came to the conclusion that my husband has been manipulating & gas lighting me for years. I’m extremely naive-so once upon a time I used to believe everything he would tell me. Now that I no longer believe much of what he tells me (because he’s told so many lies to last me a lifetime) he gets angry with me for questioning him.

Mar 31

Most often, there is no why, no closure, no real answers. If the couple works through the issue, there still could be no real answers. Somehow finding a way to move forward without closure is important.


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