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For those who have been through this to the end, how long di

[155]

For those who have been through this to the end, how long did it take before you stopped feeling horrible and sick.

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[4495]
Jun 14

@MrBrains kind of where I thought you were going with that

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[1600]
Jun 14

I think it depends on a variety of factors, if the cheater came clean to you themselves or if you found out, how honest they were at the beginning or if you got a trickle truth disclosure, if you got full disclosure at all or if you had to go full detective to discover how long they were cheating and to what extend.

Following on from that if they are supportive and working with you towards healing or if they continue to lie and only admit to what had been discovered. This leads to multiple d-days. I think things like how financially independent you are and how supportive your wider family/friends community are all impact in recovery, was cheating common or not in your extended community, people may say and do things in an attempt to help that will only harm or make decision making more difficult for you. For example you have a family member or friend telling you to leave when you are not ready to make a decision, you may end up feeling shame at your lack of action, your perceived "weakness" this will make you less likely to reach to others for support. For me there was a sense of failure that I could not make him happy, so he cheated with many other women/escorts, I took on most of the blame for what happened for a very long time with much encouragement from him as it meant his own actions were not in question. So that is the long answer, novel version if you will.

The short answer is like grief healing is not a straight line and you may go back and forward from acceptance, sadness, hurt,anger, feeling some or all of these things at once, often after a period of doing OK, someday you may see a person or place that reminds you of what she did and you will grieve all over again, but in time the intensity of those emotions lessen and it won't hurt as much any more. I wish I could give you a better more concrete answer, but I have given you one based on my own experience two years out from the first d-day.

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[4495]
Jun 14

I’m 6 months in and feel great most of the time. I’m very fortunate and probably in the minority but life is really great for my wife and I.

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