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Feeling weird. These days I feel so lost. My wife and I had


Feeling weird. These days I feel so lost. My wife and I had been talking about creating walls around us including individual therapy, marriage therapy. She states she stopped all communication with her AP months ago and I believe it. The only thing that may have tied them now is this belief he may have been father of one of our children. We did paternity testing he is not. She suggested in marriage counseling sending him a note saying he is not the father and while i had some thoughts around it I was like maybe not the worst idea to keep him away if it was a real thought. I asked her what she would say and she DRAFTED this up for us to look at. I am sharing because I think i am super sensitive to things and wanted opinions;
WIFE draft letter to AP:
Hi ...,
Over these last several months, I have spent a lot of time and money (sleepless nights and high therapy bills) sorting through my feelings, thoughts and behaviors. In trying to get my spirit right with God, rebuild my self esteem and to bring some healing to my husband and the rest of my family, I had alot to untangle. In doing so, I had to go back to 2014 and some of the life altering decisions I made then which resulted in having a recent paternity test of the child we have spoken about previously. The findings confirmed that ... is her biological father. She loves her daddy and he loves her to the moon and back.

I so wish we had dealt with each other in a less devastating and destructive way. I am am trying to do the next right thing all around. I pray for healing and peace for all of us.

So I felt hurt by this letter one because it just brought back the affair, two she did not say healing to our marriage and three she does not say no more contact. Not to mention felt like it is still about her, her self esteem but i will give her a pass on that although I prob should not. Not sure if I am overreacting because i really do believe she is working at things better and I know it will be a long journey but this is why I have some reservations even as she puts in the work. But I also know I can not control her feelings for him/me so maybe her being honest about it helps our process but it makes me want to know more about the whole story
I don't know venting here feeling hurt sad angry and confused but what I will suggest to her is:

My husband and I I wanted to inform you that we did a paternity test on the child you and I have discussed as you feeling might have been yours. It is conclusive that he is the biological father. As a result my husband and I would like for you not to contact either of us anymore.
Mr. and Mrs. ...

I feel proud that I did not react to it but took a deep breath recognized what i felt vented here and wrote what i think is more appropriate even while feeling little strange by it activating feelings.

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View 18 More Comments
Sep 22

@chas188 anger plays a big part. There are days i see red because i'm so angry. But yes, your health is one of the main things to focus on. When i found out, i didnt eat for 48hrs and probably had an hour of sleep. this does suck and so sorry you have to go through this!

Sep 22

@Troywperk same to you thanks for the support

Sep 23

@Kyleah lol I am right there with you on my rough days


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