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Feeling so lost and confused and hurt. My heart hurts. My so

Feeling so lost and confused and hurt. My heart hurts. My soul hurts. I am tired of the back and forth. New Years Eve last year I was engaged and pregnant. Then the messages came in while I was at work. Not only had he been cheating on me since the beginning but I was even wearing her ring. A ring she picked out and he had an elaborate story on how he had done the work to pick it out for me. It gets worse from here. He betrayed me with her and his xwife. Then while we were broken up, I was seven months pregnant, basically the whole pregnancy I was alone, he was screwing the xgirlfriend he had cheated with and hanging out with his xwife who he made me out to be crazy to. Now we have this child and he has put me in such a bad financial position I am stuck. Every day I am suffocating. Images of them together, while I was in bed pregnant and working full time. Crying every night, trying to keep it together for my ten year old. There's so much hurt.

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[70]
Nov 30

@hap No, I've thought about counseling but I work so often it's hard to find the time between my daughters school events and work. But my hours are going to have to change if I leave him for good, because he is here to get my daughter off the bus. I'll have to switch to part time and figure out how to afford my expenses. Thank you for your support.

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hap's picture
[6430]
Dec 1

@Laura56 I truly do understand what you are going. My situation, many years ago was different, but it did take a lot of juggling with time, and I never even thought of getting counseling which when I look back now is something that I should have done.

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NevaMae99's picture
[3740]
Dec 2

How horrible that you had to experience that! I'm so sorry. My ex also cheated on me during my entire pregnancy. He was even gone off and on during my labor and delivery. I didn't know that was why at the time. Our son's lung collapsed as he was born and he spent 10 days in the NICU. I was alone the entire time while he was doing jello shots and watching romantic movies with this other woman in my house. It gets worse as well, but all that to say, I've been in a similar place before. It's absolutely awful and I really am so sorry you are there now as well. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

This week it will be 12 years for me so I can provide a perspective as someone who has been there and made it through. At the time, it doesn't feel like you will ever make it through. I felt like I could understand the struggle of drug addicts and alcoholics who would do anything to dull the pain. I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. There were a lot of things that really helped me get through it. The first was prayer - even in the midst of it all, I was able to have moments of comfort and peace. The second was finding a really good counselor who understood what I was going through. Third was having a strong support system. I was fortunate to have family close by, but it was also hard on them as well. I had a couple of close girl friends who helped and I also made friends with a group of women online who had all given birth at the same time as I did. I liked having them because they didn't really know me in real life and I didn't feel like I was burdening them as much will all my stuff. There were also great books, podcasts, etc. I can recommend plenty if you are interested.

The biggest thing I could say is to only worry about what you need to do for today. Try not to focus on all the what if's of the future. There are plenty. Many of mine never came to pass. I was making very little money at the time and had to move back in with my parents for about a year. But I was eventually able to move out into my own house. I got a great new job that paid a lot better and offered me the flexibility I needed to go to counseling, pick my kids up from school and activities, etc. I just celebrated my 10 year anniversary with my company and now I can even work from home when I need to. God has been so good to me. My kids are now 12 and 15 and they are doing well. I worried about that as well because I had heard all the scary single mom statistics.

It won't be easy, but you can get through this. I am praying for you as you take care of your 10 year old and new baby. My counselor once told me to imagine my kids standing over me as adults and thanking me for all that I did and sacrificed for them as they grew up. I love that mental picture.

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